Draw Near and Hear Overview

Hey all,
A quick update of my Draw Near and Hear experience:

I had people prophesy over me that I am entering into/already have my foot in the door to a place of rest with the Lord. The man praying over me said he invisioned a featherbed. I know I am already experiencing this. The night before I had been frustrated with the Lord for not physically being present and not revealing things to me regarding my spiritual gifts, etc. He brought up 1 Chronicles 22...which was perfect beyond measure and beyond coincidence. The same couple praying over me brought up teaching and that they were receiving from God that I should teach young people. Wow. In just the last month I've let go of that idea and entered into editing/publishing but now the Lord is telling me he liked my first plan better? I kept doubting it, so I changed my career pathway. But maybe teaching is what I'm supposed to do. They said my spiritual gift is discernment, which I know I have had, yet I've been missing the reality that it is of the spiritual realm. So that was uplifting. The next couple who prayed over me kept saying there will be power coming from my mouth, and that a new sense of creativity will spring forth from me; that I need to protect myself, because I'm powerful. And to know that my heart is, indeed, aligned with the Lord's even if I don't think so a lot of the time (which is true). And he delights in that. That he's proud of me. They held truth as well. I have a real hard time with thinking the Lord is ever proud of me. That I delight him. I have a better time just serving him and doing what he says but not thinking that I am actually making him smile, making him happy. I guess that's not much of a relationship the way I had been thinking about it. So, that was, as well, really good.
Tonight Bill Wilson spoke and that man is amaaaazing. I decided to really step out, commit three years of my life to the jr. high girl's small group ministry tonight. It'll be time consuming, it'll make me feel more stressed and strung thin...but it doesn't matter how I feel. Bill said, "The ability to Finish is only acheived when your commitment is stronger than your emotions". The Lord didn't feel like dying for us...it hurt him. But he was commited. This commitment I am going to make is so much smaller, and it will bless me and I will bless those girls, God willing :) . This will be a good time. And I will be at rest, too.
Jesse reminded me tonight that I'm only seventeen, I have a lot of life left to live and I can't let myself be discouraged because I don't have all kinds of spiritual experience yet. I just officially started going to Foothills six months ago for Heaven's sake...I'm doing fine. But I'm not satisfied. I want more. Still. And it's an exciting ride.

Making Plans

Life has been a little unsettled lately--nothing major or bad...just, changing, again. In the next few days I have to make a decision about some commitments, in terms of school and ministry opportunities, that will shape the next year of my life-dun, dun, dun. No, I'm actually excited and prayyyying that tonight God will reveal his plan for the next year as well as some other things I've had on my heart for a bit now. At Foothills they are holding a three day conference, starting off tonight, called "Draw Near and Hear". Basically it's an intense time of worship and opportunity for us, as there will be many people with prophetic spiritual gifts, there to pray over us and talk with us. I've never been and I don't know the details yet, but I hear it's intense and the Holy Spirit will without doubt be very real and present. I'm anxious and excited and hopeful all at the same time!
This has truly been a month of spiritual growth and I am so loving it and feeling so much closer to the Lord it's amazing. In the next few days I really pray I take more leaps of faith and step out and praise the Lord.
Alright, more updating later! Happy Friday? :P

College Trip to San Francisco

Alright, so I got back from the College Trip last night and wow, I was not expecting it to be some amazing religious experience/revelation. But I feel like I completely grew in faith and character as a result of going.

I don't know if I have time or want to disclose here everything that happened in my head and heart but I'll still write and post losts of pictures. Overall it was a really fun and exciting time! I haven't really been to a big city or anywhere, really, like Santa Cruz/San Francisco and the surrounding areas.


But first, let's start with Saturday.

Saturday:

I got done packing and went to went to Barnes & Noble to get a good book, because I love to read on vacations. After searching and searching I finally found a book my mentor, Jenny, had suggested, Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. Then I went to church with my mom for the Saturday evening service instead of the Junior/Senior prom at the Bahia. Pastor Mark gave an amazing sermon about accepting the places God puts you in. Accepting the negative circumstances that result in disobedience, yet still allowing God to bless you in these times. The message just filled me up and gave me peace about my trip...like a good meal before leaving for a journey. I knew this trip would be interesting, I didn't know if I would be any good at protecting my time and devotions with the Lord for three days. I really needed some encouragment and I got it!

Sunday:
I woke up around 5:30, got ready, and headed to the airport with my dad. I've only been on a plane two other times, so I'm not airport or take-off savvy and I was a bit nervous about the flight, I'll have to say. But the take off and then landing was perfect so I really had nothing to worry about. The view was stellar and I liked it a lot.

When we arrived in San Jose we drove to Monterey to visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium which was pretty fun! It was really nice of Stephanie to plan little fun excursions here and there besides colleges. After about two hours, give or take a bit, we got to our hotel and I have to say I was a bit nervous at the area and real appearance of the hotel...it was really small. But everything worked out fine and I honestly enjoyed it a lot! About a minute from the hotel was the beach:

and then the board walk, with two or three roller coasters, bumper cars, miniature golf, and various places to eat and shop. We ate dinner at this little hole in the wall Mexican place...and I, for one, forgot we were in more of Northern California and quite a ways from the border. In other words, I didn't think anything was amazing and our rolled tacos frankly bit the big one. But Flick got a lot of burrito for his money:

Then we went shopping, I bought a Santa Cruz sweatshirt and Flick bought a Wilson volleyball with the Wilson handprint from Castaway on it. We went to the courts and messed around. I have to say I have not laughed so hard for a while. It was quite a work out and I was so tired.

But after telling everyone else how much fun it was, they all wanted to go for a late night session. We ended up staying down at the beach from around 6:00 till exactly 10:00 (our curfew) playing volleyball. The next morning y forearms were bruised. I haven't played vball since freshman year...ouch!

So after we got back to the hotel Stephanie came in andmade sure we were back from la playa and then told us lights out at 11:00, but until then we could do whatever we wanted on the premises, as long as we were behaved and quite--as there were actually other guests probably trying to sleep, though I'm not sure many kids got that :P

A group of the guys and girls all went upstairs to one of the girl's rooms to have a "dance party"...and I don't know what the heck they were doing but it sounded like elephants up there!! I opted out and decided to stay in the room Kayla and I shared to protect my time with the Lord. I have to say that was one of the best times I've had in my devotions and it was so much better than seeing some of the guys from class put on girls' pants and girls' bathing suit tops, though I'm sure that was hilarious :P haha.

After 11:00 when the girls came back in we had some interesting conversations to say the least and I got to know Amanda and Kayla even more than I already know them which was awesome too!

Monday:

I woke up around 7:00 to Stephanie's wake-up call and we all piled on the bus and went to Berkley and San Francisco State University.

I realized at Berkley that I really don't like the city at all. It drives me nuts and it's dirty and I just don't care for it whatsoever. But as I was walking through it, sickened by the people and the filth, I was kind of caught by this question: "Would you go here if I asked you to. They need help, too." Ouch. I got scared. The idea of me, a Christian conservative little girl, going up to this guy or that woman, with a completely liberal mindset was so frightening. But could I do it? Would I do it? I guess I would. But Lord, I'd rather not. And it wasn't like I felt him telling me to go to Berkley. It was just that I was walking through Telegraph Street completely disgusted and wanting to leave and reality hit causing me to see that those were still God's children and those people still needed him, they were still lost and he still cared and what right did I have completely bashing the place.

We got lost miserably on our way to San Francisco State University. The tension on the bus was high and I read a lot.

We also visited Santa Cruz University the next day, as well as San Jose State. Or something like that...it's been a week or so since we've been back and the facts are getting jumbled.

Anyway, to wrap this thing up, all in all I had some of the best times with the Lord. Just hanging out with him and realizing that he used to hang out by himself and pray also, when his friends were doing other things. On Tuesday morning I was up around 4 or 5 o'clock, took a shower, got ready, then just sat outside and it was...profound. Just sitting in the quiet. I hadn't gotten quiet for days. And I haven't gotten that quiet since...maybe December when we had "quiet times" at camp. It was just good to sit there, listening to the birds and taking in the ambience the morning offers; the stillness and God's grace and majesty. That's probably mushy. But c'mon...it's a great time of day and all too often I miss it.

On our way home I was freaking out a little bit. The plane was going in a circle and not going...well, up. That's what I thought it was supposed to do. I wasn't visibly freaking out...no, that's not me. But I was freaking out on the inside :) So I'm sitting in my seat, no one's sitting by me because everyone ditched me :) and I start thinking, Lord I don't want to go home yet, I really don't. There's too much to do, just...and then I swear to you he interjected: Are my Hands not big enough to carry you? Woa. Alright, touche. You win...whatever you want God. If I die I die, if I live, thank you :) You are enough. Then, the sunset that followed was AMAZING!! What a perfect way to end two great days of closeness with the Lord away from home. And it wasn't like I was at camp. It was just up the street...kind of :P. Anyway, that's my tale of our trip to San Francisco and what it meant to me. It was a pretty good experience, all in all.

Sorry if I repeated stuff, I wrote this in two non-consecutive sittings haha.

The Blind Man

You know those days when you just know it's going to be one of those days? Well, I had one of those days today. I woke up late, around 7:30 and rushed to get ready for my first class, which is swim, at Grossmont College. I'm driving there thinking, well, I'm late, yes, but I really am in the mood to swim. The weather was beautiful this morning and I haven't worked out in about two weeks. I was missing it! And getting pumped to go swim and exercise. So, I get to the pool and Larry tells me, there's good news and bad news: The good news, you get double work-out points today. The bad news: If you swim, you'll turn green. I guess yesterday they put too much chlorine in the pool and that meant no swimming. Fantastic. So I got in my car and drove home. I took my time getting ready, hoping I'd have time to do some devotions, but the time went so fast and I was, again, rushing out the door. Then, on my way out, my water bottle dropped and rolled down the driveway...and again...misfortune. I pull up to Santana for my chem class and realize the kids aren't outside at break like they out to be on a Tuesday class. Oh wait, that's because it's Thursday...block day...earlier start time. I'm 20 minutes late for chem. And, to top it off, we had a lab that I got to do all by myself because my partner, Matt, wasn't there. Perfect!
Then I go to Middle College and realize Kayla's not there and there is major drama going on, again, regarding the college trip. Now I tried my hardest today to keep my mouth shut and I don't think anyone realizes how entirely hard it was to not bite everyone's head off and tell them what I thought of everything. The drama that's going on is stupid. The students are asking for respect and fairness when Stephanie and Sue, the adult supervisors, laid down the law in the first place and the kids broke it. The kids disrespected their authority yet are demanding that they be treated with more respect, fairness, and tolerance? Something is wrong with that picture!! And yet, a lot of these kids are blind to this fact.
I was basically fuming when I left Middle College. Nearly wanting to cry because Stephanie and Sue jumped through hoops to accomodate us and do things in our best interest on the trip. Yet they got no appreciation, little thanks. Instead they got to feel crappy about the whole thing. They know people are talking about them negatively behind their backs and Stephanie knows she came across as the bad guy. Yet someone had to be the leader. And you know why? Because that's how life is. But man, don't we always crucify the leader. Literally and figuratively. Jesus tried to lead the blind and they crucified him. Stephanie tried to lay down the law and now she's getting injustly beat up for trying "to be a good mom", as she put it.
I sat down in my car before my next class and just vented to the Lord. It helped a little. I started reading my Bible and lo-and-behold this is what verse I happened upon: "...'Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher'," Luke 6:29-40. Before I read that I had this question pop up in my mind: Does a man who has vision and can see describe the trees, the ocean, the beauty of nature, to a blind man, whose perception of the world is so much different and so far from the true reality due to darkness? Just now I read my daily bible verse that Google so kindly supplies on my homepage for me and read what it said: ""If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over,” Matthew 18:15. I know the kids weren't sinning against me. But I'm offended, frankly, and I really wish I could win them over and help them to see that no matter what the case is, Stephanie and Sue were our authority on the trip and we all really needed to just respect and submit to them. Even if it cost us a little bit of fun here and there. Right now, I'm not having to much fun mulling this over. Right now I'm feeling guilty on behalf of everyone for the ways they're hurting other people who honestly just wanted us to experience colleges and give us a nice gift. I guess I just need to let the whole thing go...But it really really hurts my heart and I really have a burden about the whole situation. But honestly, I learned a whole lot. I learned that I can not be "cool" to people if I'm going to really be a Christian. That means I will be alone in life. I will sit alone in my hotel room and do my devotions. I will keep my mouth shut and disappear when people are bagging on other people. Or, I will write something like this post, which goes against the grain of other people's lives and maybe start some fires here and there. But honestly, I'm just passionate. And my heart hurts. For Stephanie and Sue, and for the kids. I love everyone and just really want their eyes to be opened, in the end. For them to come out of this learning something about being kind to people. A smile, a thank you, a hug. They all go a really long way. But so do biting words and harsh looks.

Where I've Been...

Hey guys, I haven't posted in a few days, and I still don't have too much to say right now, but I figured I'd post some pictures from the past week or so.
These are the painting stages of Connor's room...
Peeling the remnants of wall paper off the walls and getting all the stickers off the walls and furniture was not fun...But once we got the Golden Gate pait on the walls and the primer for the back wall on, things were looking up!
I love the final result...

And, I finally found that perfect comforter I've been looking for! Before it was boring denim and I felt like a boy...haha...but I love this new one!

And I also got a new night stand, which can fit a lamp, so when I'm reading at night I can actually see!
Last Friday I missed Small Group again...which I really didn't want to do, but already comitted to dogsitting for this cute little puppy, Jack.

His family went to Knottsberry Farm for the night and the pup couldn't stay home so long by himself :) Lucky me...I got to hang out with a cute lil puppy and even got paid! Now that's what I'm talking about.

Then on Saturday I slept in, and when I woke up my parents and brother decided they wanted to go to Sea World. We bought year-long passes, so this summer when I have Connor all day we can go hang out there instead of sit around at home.

It was pretty crowded, but we still had fun...and Connor and Mom really loved the ride Atlantis. I have to say...I'm just not a roller coaster kind of girl. So my dad and I went and saw a show.
Anyway, this week was pretty busy. Tuesday was long, but the message Jeremy Miller gave at High School group really got to me. It was about having a sober spirit...more on that later, probably.

On Wednesday though, there was an event called One held at my old church, El Cajon Weslyan. After class I went straight to help out at Higher Ground, Jenny was there, so we meant to mentor at Starbucks afterward, then I went straight to the church to pick up Jesse and Nicole. Aaron Moreno who is in his 20's and one of our four adult leaders at higher ground, was there with Sam and ended up riding with me to the event since he didn't know where ECWC was. Aaron wasn't sure what the whole thing was about and was kind of stressed, thinking maybe he shouldn't go...he'd stand out too much since he was soooo old. Sam wanted me to stop the car and let him out on Greenfield to walk to his house. I locked the doors and told them all there wasn't an age limit on worshipping the Lord. Both the guys ended up being really moved, praying for high schoolers, and totally pumped up. Aaron kept saying, "Man, this is deep stuff..." It was great to hang out with some awesome people and be back on my old stompin' ground. Pastor Lisa is soooo pregnant, it's insane! And Tanya is so close to getting engaged...I'm so happy for her :) But anyway, this weekend I'm heading to San Fransisco to visit some colleges. Kayla, Amanda and I are going to have some serious fun rooming with eachother!! Then Kayla can decide if she really wants to live with me when we go to SDSU together hah!