Stepping Out...Alone

I am trying to trust here, so much. And have one of those stepping out of my comfort zone, experiences. What makes it hard here is that I'm forcing Matt to do the same. I know in my heart and my mind this is what God has for us right now, that we would go out alone and be open to what God has for us either way. So here I am seeking and asking between crying and that heart wrenching feeling I feel every morning, all day long, after I wake up. I hate this. It's not supposed to be like this I don't think. It was never supposed to be this difficult. We were all supposed to be so in tune with God, in such a close relationship with him that he would have told us what to do in the beginning. But we're fallen, so we go through these rough times. But we can use them to grow. And I am going to try so hard to grow. And not just say that, but actually do it. I am not going to lean on my own understanding, but be open to God's. I am going to pray that he leads my heart in the direction of his heart, his will for me. And then act on whatever that may be. But obviously this is a process and won't happen over night. I pray that this experience is one I look back on and am thankful for it, see the fruit of it, whatever might happen, later. 

I hate causing hurt, I hate not being there to comfort him. I hate hurting and I hate not having his comfort now. And I pray this really is where God was leading me. To be broken, but to be restored.