Wow

Okay, so God is so good. I'm laughing thinking about it, actually.

The last few days I have spent with Allie we have talked a bit about her mentor Gail and how much I like Gail's best friend, Laurie. So tonight Allie asked Gail to talk to Laurie about maybe the two of us getting together and talking once in a while. I was getting ready for church tonight, thinking about it and her and wondering if I'd done the right thing but ultimately, I just gave it to the Lord. If it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn't happen.

So I went to church with my family and it was still in the back of my mind. But, I'm not going to lie, I just feel kind of held back when I worship around my family, like they're scrutinizing me when I just let go and worship because all my life I've been so reserved and quiet. Anyway, today's message, given by Dave Hoffman, was about getting over it. Humbling yourself, admitting that you need the Lord, and going for it, seeking Him all the way. There was one worship song before Dave invited people to come down to get prayer, and lo-and-behold, it was Fall On Me, a song by Rita Springer that acutally reminds me of Laurie on account of Rita Springer reminds me of her and the song itself reminds me of small group. Well, after that I went forward and got prayer and I forgot who prayed for me. But she did well :) Then I went and knelt down at the altar and just gave everything up to God, as I have to do daily since I so just want to control everything! When I was walking back, nearly in tears, who do I see sitting in the row behind me but Laurie Ibanez. She waved at me and I waved back and then fought tears as I worshiped the Lord and was taken aback at how Good he Is! After the service I went up to her and flat out asked if there was anyway she would be interested in meeting once in a while here and there, as she put it, "when you need an old person...I get it!" haha How great! So I got her phone number and she told me to call any time at all that I wanted to talk or get together or pray, even over the phone. That's pretty awesome and God is Great :)

I leave for Big Bear tomorrow and this is an awesome way to leave, at peace with everything, knowing I have everyone I need to back me up, including Jesus.

Oh, but Allie, Layne and I still need a small group adult leader for next year. So if anyone feels led to pray for that, we would all greatly appreciate it!

The Ocean, The Lord.

Today I went to the beach with over twenty teens from Foothills. Somehow, between Jesse and I, we all managed to invite people and they actually came. We played all day, then had a bonfire and some really good worship, led by Jean (he's my new favorite, even though I don't really have favorites per say haha!). Only about oh, ten or so, people stayed for worship. But it was amazing. Truly. Some guys ended up coming up to us and asking what we were doing with the music and arms and hands raised. He probably thought we were a cult or something...but one of the guys took care of him I think. Anyway, earlier in the day I was sitting on the beach wondering why people come. It's rather comical to look up and down the shore and see all the bodies, doing the same types of things. But why? I came home and wrote a letter to God because I think I found my answer.

Lord,
Thank you for your ocean, your beaches, and shores. It’s funny, though, how people are drawn to them. Why? Why do people come in hordes to the beach. It’s almost like they’re expecting something. They come, they claim a spot, they relax, they play, they expect. But what do they expect? They desire the heat of the sun, warming their cold bones. They desire nice tanned skin to make them feel better, healthier, more active. They are drawn to the ocean’s peacefulness, and at the same time, its power. The ocean is beautiful, romantic, captivating. It’s something you can sit and look at all day and still find yourself in awe of its power, its unexpectedness, its changing tides. And people are drawn to this. Funny, it’s almost…spiritual.
You created the ocean, the beaches, and shores. And I thank you for shining your light, love, and grace, through it. If people were just drawn to you they would feel your light warming their cold bones, they would feel your breath of life making them healthy and desiring to actively seek you. They would feel a deep peace as they hand over their work, life, school, and desires, to you and give you control, because you are more powerful than them, than us. If we were drawn to you like we are to the ocean, we would find that you are fully captivating, fully romantic and beautiful beyond measure. Someone we can sit with all day, or our whole lives and just be with, talk to, experience, and be blessed by the changing circumstances that come our way.
People are drawn to you and don’t even realize it. The things they love, crave, and desire, are all in you. And it’s something they can carry with them always, if they would just come to your shores of grace and receive.

The Life Book

Alright, so as I was journaling my conversation with Lori in my personal journal last night I remembered some things that I think might be prevalent to everyone. It's one of those things that I've heard forever but never really grasped and appreciated until now. So, so many things have been like that lately. I feel like, as a result of growing up in a Christian home, I have become numb and desensitized to certain things so stressed in the church because of its importance, yet they just became "normal" and I never really took the time to understand the truths spoken to me.

What I realized last night will change my perspective when I read the Bible. All Lori had to say was, "You know the Bible is your life, right?" She went further and explained that everything in there I should experience in my life in order to be complete. It's my life. All the trials, blessings, worship, everything in there is my life played out for me with different scenarios and characters. I'm supposed to dance, I'm supposed to sing because they did. I'm going to go through rocky times, desert times, dry seasons. I'm going to mess up, lie, cheat, steal, fall to my lowest low, because just like God did for them, God will bring me up again. God is the same today as he was then and I forget this so often. I am so blessed to have my life right before my eyes. The blessings, the joy, happiness, and delight along with yes, the pain, suffering, persecution, trials and ultimately growth.

So often I read a book and slow down when I get to the end. Not at all because I'm getting tired of reading it, but rather because I want it to never end. I want it to last. Praise the Lord (!) that His book never ends. That my Book never ends! I don't have to rush through it, because I will surely miss things. But I don't have to slowly drag it out either, because it will always remain and always beckon me to dig deeper. I love it! My Life Book. Completely and Perfect.

Big Sisters

Oh my goodness, God is amazing. I feel overwhelmed tonight with his love for me and my love for him. It's the greatest feeling. Just that feeling of being filled up. Oh Lord I love itttt!
Today was an interesting day, I ended up feeling really really sick earlier in the day. I had a border-line migraine from about 12:00-5:00 and really was not feeling up for anything. I took a nap for a long time, woke up to eat yogurt mill, then went right back to sleep. As a result of eating then sleeping I got this stomach ache that was a drag on top of the nausea from the head ache. And this was a day I have been looking forward to for two weeks. Our last small group at the Aubrey home with Heather Hoffman and Kayla as our leaders. Plus, our favorite big sisters (in Christ), Gale and Lori (who are in their 40's--thus having so much more wisdom than us youngin's) came to eat with us, pray for us, and just hang out. It was so awesome and I would have been devastated had I not made it. But by the Lord's mercy my headache went away (!) although I was still just feeling a bit shaky, nauseous. But compared to what I felt like earlier it was great!
It was sad too, though. I know I hadn't been in the small group as long as all the rest of the girls, but this was an enormously big year for me and I would never ever have grown as much as I have if I had not met these girls and given the opportunity to join the family they'd made for themselves. They were all truly the biggest blessing in my life. To not see them every Friday will be difficult and as Heather was fighting back tears as she announced that she felt God calling her to a different ministry, I think we all shared the fight with her. I know I had a "cry box" in my throat. Shoot.
But the biggest blessing tonight was receiving wisdom, advice, and love from Lori. What an amazing woman of the Lord! During prayer time I went and asked her to pray for me, in particular for guidance when it comes to leadership opportunities (jr. high leader and high school small group leader as well as kids club--a third grade group all to myself...!). I'm struggling with knowing which ones to take and which ones to turn down. I am doing the Jr. High girls group, which I'm excited about. I met my girls tonight and they seem reallly fun! But anyway, Lori just had the words I needed to hear. And as she grabbed my hands I felt power and peace and love. It's still with me and it's so great. We talked about some other things that I likely won't disclose here, and honestly the things we talked about are what really helped me a lot. I just feel better. I feel lighter and more equipped. Ultimately, I just need to go pray. I'm craving time with the Lord right now, but I wanted to get a little of this down before this amazing night leaves me. All in all, I really love big sister nights and the words of wisdom and comfort God gives these women of faith to give to us. So amazing. So beautiful. So, so beautiful.

This is my theme passage of the week, maybe month, maybe year: James 1:2-8 "2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."