When to Talk

Edited/Deleted.

On the other hand...I don't have much to say today. I don't feel like writing and I didn't feel like cleaning all day long. Today I have been extremely tired. First time I've almost fallen asleep in church in a long long time. I don't recall staying up that late last night and I didn't get up that early this morning.

I have yet to do any substancial amount of studying and I have a 200 question government final on Tuesday. Ugh, almost done with this whole school thing...for a bit at least.

Right now we're just playing the waiting game.

I am incapable of declining a good brownie or...three.

Prom/Mother's Day

Prom was last night and it was fun.





Jesse takes better pictures than me. That's not allowed. :)

I actually danced, good deal (:

Mother's Day met us this morning. Breakfast (Lunch) at Pipe's-amazing. Pictures taken at Moonlight Beach.

Rad. Still sick. Not fun. Buy stock in kleenex company.

Sick. Again.

My life is like a teeter totter and I wish it weren't.

I can't swallow much. Here we go again.

I wish I could be optimistic and cheerful and bright all the time. But sometimes I just don't feel strong enough. I can tell myself that, "I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me". But sometimes they are just words and I can't hold onto them or believe them and there is this gap between my heart and mind and they don't always want to agree.

I hope I just have a fever and am delusional.

Today was awesome!

It was a gorgeous day, again, and I was in a productive mood. I am really hoping tomorrow is the same! I woke up determined to start shaping and perfecting the new "piece" for my "collection" (bahhhaha): The Yoga Mat DayBag! It was a success, I stinking adore it! I don't usually get so excited about bags, but this one I totally dig...which is strange, because I don't even own a mat...I just use the ones provided at the gym. I will post more pictures of it later...but this is just my first try, so it's pretty rough and I'll probably try to sell this one for only $12 or $15 because it's definitely not the highest quality...but it still took fabric and a lot of time! Anyway, I'm really excited...my neighbor, who is all into business and things like that thinks I should create a webpage, which he could actually do for me, and sell them and my original DayBags through it. I haven't done this before because I don't know what kind of business license, if any, or patent or whatever for the name, etc....all the legal hoops I'd have to jump through...taxes. Yada yada. We'll see. If I actually did make the site and actually did start sewing basically full time again that'd mean I'd actually have to do it again! Which will be tricky....seeing as I am great at procrastinating while being in control of my own work hours. Ah well....it would, again, beat a real job. Perhaps this is my answer to prayer and I'm just not taking it.

Anyway, I got a great babysitting opportunity first thing this morning as well. Tonight I watched 6 crazy kids and two dogs and racked in the dough. I also took all my coins into the coin machine and was pleasantly surprised to recieve $50 in return! I was starting to stress out this week about this month's car payment and in one day it was completely covered! Praise God or what. He's pretty rad like that.

Anyway, I spent about 5 hours with these 6 kids tonight and had a blast. We played hide and go seek, sardines (which was better, because I knew where all of them were the whole time...I could help one kid hide, stuff the rest in the bathroom to wait for us, and then follow the 5 when they went searching for the kid's hiding place and I chuckled at their misdirection since I knew where whoever was it was hiding), we colored for hours, a few kids played guitar hero, I read books to Quinn and Nat, and we did tumbling and took pictures, and ate pizza and it was a great time!

I don't usually enjoy watching kids this much but it was fun tonight. I almost think it's because there was an ecclectic mix...when one of them was annoying me I could go check on the other ones and spend a few minutes with them haha.

Good day over all and hopefully this productive kick won't end tomorrow!

6 (03.07.08) : Water balloons

6 (03.07.08) : Water balloons
Originally uploaded by courtneeyday

Today was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining and the air was just the right amount of crisp and warmth. The clouds painted the sky lightly here and there but other than that it was blue as ever and the flowers were all bloomed and the grass and hills were all lush and green because of the rain we've had recently. But not today. Today was amazing.
We had class outside and I got a bit tan (: which makes me feel happy and healthy, not so washed out by winter. I think I'm ready for summer now. I was loving the rain, but I'm ready for the ocean again.
Today I came home and made myself lunch and sat outside on a curb in the sun and eventually Quinn came out to play. We made it our mission to fill up a water balloon. We made many failed attempts but finally succeeded.
After many many pictures and lots of fun I finally chose the one above for my picture of the day (:
I hope tomorrow is as good as today was.
Though tomorrow I have to think about scholarships and sewing and making money. I don't want to think about money tomorrow. I just want to play with water balloons and walk around the cul-de-sac with no shoes on and Quinner pulling at my hand instructing me to walk this way and that and to do this and that.
But I'm broke and I have bills to pay now. That sounds so dumb. Like I'm trying to make them up. And it stinks because I'm not. And I've run out of money because I've been lazy at my "business". So now I have to pick up the slack and wonder how long it will last this time...if I can just make it until I can get a job at the college library then I should be okay. I just don't want another job. So I guess I have to try to apply myself to the job I've made for myself--the one I can wear my pajamas too and that I can do at all hours of the day or night if I really pleased. It's an open office in this room of mine where I can make magic happen but often times put it off for the tomorrow or next weekend that rolls right into never.
I guess I don't want to grow up after all.
And I'd really rather not pay for college.

I've been thinking it's funny that I'm a pretty content person as I am, living in this house (which is amazing, I think) but as soon as I step foot into a store with nicer things than I have I want them. What a temptation. Usually it doesn't last.
I was at Lowe's the other day looking at sinks with my mom. They have these new (new to me, perhaps not really new...but I haven't seen them before!) ones with an actual bowl...like it could look like one you eat out of but really big--maybe a fancy thick salad or punch powl, placed ontop of a flat counter. So these sink bowls, the outside of them, you can see, so they can be decorated and different looking and actually be a focal point of the bathroom. I thought it was really neat and I really wanted one for my future house someday. Then I looked at the price and the one I liked--just the bowl--not even the counter top or cupboards underneath--was nearly $1,000. So I was thinking, well, I'll just marry a rich guy...or write a best selling novel and go on book tours before I have kids. Psh! I came home later and seriously who really cares about a sink bowl. You wash your dirty hands in it and you spit toothpaste in it when you're done brushing the plaque off your pearly whites. Who cares about a sink bowl.

I'm not sure what that had to do with much of anything and I don't know what kind of sink bowl I will have when I get older, but sometimes I care and sometimes I don't. I have nice things though. I am biased because I am already well off. Oh who knows.
It's late and I don't want to waste sunshine tomorrow.
Goodnight (:

Color

I have been realizing lately that my life really lacks color and brown can be just so plain and mundane and the same day after day and it's getting dreadfully boring and gloomy and depressing. I tried to find something colorful to wear today and all that I could really find was a too-tight tied-died quarter length sleeved shirt. So I wore it for a bit, then felt constrained (but in color!) and swapped it for a bright red work out shirt and went to the gym.

I'm doing the 365 project. Just on my own...not joining a nifty-net group or anything...just for fun, and because Lauren is and she's motivating me to actually try and accomplish it. Is it bad if I don't think I'll be able to do it and it's only day...3? hah! But, my goal, I have decided, at least for this month (it's still basically a fresh new month) is to capture color.


After deciding this I walked around my house, looking for all things color and all I found was taupe. It is so sad. So very drab and so very sadddd. I have let my mother's love of brown and her love for all things toned down and quiet to overtake my love for color, for brightness. I used to have a perriwinkle painted bedroom with lime green and bright yellow and orange accents. What happened to her? She got lost in a long line of endless shades of brown and dull tans and taupe. No more I say, I will rise above the colorless hue I live in. I will see things differently and bring forth that bright light hiding in the recesses of this home and this world. Yep. It's my goal.


Well...this month at least.


(:

And it's funny, because this will be overcoming a fear. Perhaps. Or I will fail at this months goal and fail, most likely at the 365 Project. I get so anxious when taking pictures when people might see. Like I'm not doing something right, I have a crappy camera, I'm just a poser, etc. I feel stupid. So maybe I will get used to it. Maybe I will grow out of it and then maybe I will be okay.
Okay. Haha what a funny word. Anyway...

Tonight I realized, at The Approach--a worship/prayer event, that I worry so much about not being enough of some particular thing in general (like that...it was kind of oxymoronical...particular....general...). I get this feeling like I should be all or nothing at everything I do. A radical man. If I sing, I should really start playing shows and making cds and writing more. If I take pictures, I should really buy a high dollar camera and learn a thing or two and be really good. If I dress like a hippie I shouldn't wear make-up or shower or shave or eat meat or support capital punishment and I shouldn't ever, ever put styrofoam in the recycle bin. If I love God enough I should just do everything and anything I can get my hands on to prove that I'm on the right track, that I'm making a difference, that I'm reaching more people than the other person over there, in the corner, alone, who doesn't even know Him. Yada yada. I always think I should be more of something and less of something else (the something that I actually am at that time). But I'm realizing, I realized tonight that I'm a balance. I'm not extreme and God didn't wire me that way, perhaps. Or maybe I haven't found that thing that I'm supposed to be extreme about yet. Or maybe I won't. Maybe who knows. Maybe I'm pretty decent and even a little good at a lot things and just because I'm not a professional or radical that maybe I'm just me and that's okay because that's how God made me. Maybe that's okay.
Okay.

I'm done (:



Good day

State

I got accepted to college today. San Diego State University. The state of my mind, on the other hand, is disarrayed.

18

Sorry for the 18 rant but...my mom got married this year of her life. When she turned 18 the church bells rang. Isn't that crazy? When you, or if you are 18...can you even imagine. Hers was a different world than mine though. And I am blessed for that. She had to grow up way too fast...

Older.

I turned 18 three days ago. I don't know how I feel about this. I don't really care, I guess. "It's just another day". My motto. But that day does signify time passing. This year I have changed so much. I was sitting in Starbucks reading on my birthday and...I made some careless motion. Completely insignificant, haphazard. Yet it was my mother. It was the way I moved my chin...I can't even explain it. But as soon as I did it, I knew that my mother does that. That's her mannerism. And now it's mine? I have always been the miniature Sharon, which has mostly just been an annoying thing people say. But within this year I have so much seen my mother in myself. My mom is an amazing woman. But she's my mom and I am the way I am largely because of her. And yet, other people live differently than my mother lives. So, just because I haven't come to realize that before I've slowly morphed into her, does that mean I am stuck on the path of Her? I don't think so. Not necessarily. I have also realized this past year that I am entirely different than my mom. I have unrealistic desires and passions that I really do want to pursue, even if it takes spurts of effort here and there...I'd love to record a cd. I'd love to purchase a professional camera and capture everything I see. I'd love to be the kind of mom mine is...the kind that stays home all the time because she truly like us--she'd rather spend time with us, my dad, brother, and myself, than spend time with her girlfriends (her ya-ya's). But I so desire to be the mom someday who's constantly capturing these moments with film, with words, with songs. I really want to inspire my kids to be artistically freeeee. It's a weird thing. But I have a passion for this. A desire...that I think my grandmother always had. But her life was ladden with her own issues, problems, financial, relational, etc. Let's face it--they were dysfunctional. I want to be functional, and supportive of my kids. If I have any. I guess I have to work on the whole husband part first. Which oh my goodness I can hardly imagine. Still. My mom, at the birthday dinner, said that next year "she [I] will be blowing us off for her boyfriend". I haven't had a Valentine date ever. Why would next year change that? Just because my commitment to stay single will be over doesn't mean I will miraculously fall for someone when I haven't had nearly the slightest inclination to do so in the past four years. Part of me wishes it would happen. Another part of me screams NO NO NO!!! I like myself just the lonely way I am...free to think and write and support myself just fine...without that potential worry of "What does he think about what I just wrote, or sang, or painted".

I don't know what I want. I am torn between two worlds. Each has it's ups and downs...and yet neither really matter so much at all because, after all, they are just worlds. For now I will stick here...with those dashing fellows up there...my family.

The future looks bright though. Scary...frustrating...positively unpredictable...but beautiful.

Why Hellllloooa There....

I've been thinking a lot lately. About life. Jazz like that. And about the undeniable crazy cat lady in my night class who has bright red in-a-box-from-Target hair, with thick bangs, wrinkly skin, hot pink striped socks, and old beat-up, worn-out, old, old, old dusty white reebok sneaks from the 90s. Thinking thoughts like that. And about how the best chips are the ones I save for last; the ones that are all folded over and extra crunchy. And how elbows are often so pointy and good for jabbing people when they least expect it. Maybe in the jugular so I can get that last folded over, extra crunchy chip at the bottom of the crinkly bag.
I miss my great grandmother and I miss my great aunt. And I miss my voice and I long for the times I only hear about: The whole family of 16 crowded around the old organ with someone strumming away on guitar, someone plucking away at the old bass, someone humming away on the harmonica, and countless cool kids singing under my great grandfather's instruction.
But I only hear about it and I only wonder how different my life would be if I were a part of then.

Retraction, kind of.

Sorry for the last post. I had a personal vendetta against the media that day.
I still kind of feel the same way...but toned down a bit :)

Dead Celeb.

I think I'm being cynical.
I think I'm having a downright cynical day.

I sign into myspace a half hour or so ago to find all these bulletins posted "Heath Ledger is Dead!!!???!!" yada yada.
My first thought was, yes, sad. Death is sad. I looked up a news story and he died of a drug overdose...supposedly. For all I really know he's partying in Tahiti right now. For all any of us know. Yet people seem to really care. And it's rather ticking me off. Perhaps that's wrong. Perhaps we should care and feel compassion for every single one who dies that we hear of. But if, in a few moments, I posted a bulletin that my great grandpa died and I was seriously distraught, no one would repost that. There would be no flood of bulletins, no flood of compassion. And they would know my grandfather just about as much as they know Ledger...a figment of their imagination...a man made up in their own mind. Because the man they see on the screen isn't Heath Ledger. That man was conjured up by multitudes of writers wanting people to peek into the window of their mind. And the Ledger we all saw was a pretty face. I dare say. Let the dead bury the dead. Go talk to your kids and brothers and sisters about overdosing and why you ought not do drugs to be "cool" because being dead isn't so cool. Really.
That is just the thing. Folks think he is the cream of the crop. He's hott, so that of course obviously signifies he's cool, and thusfore is worthy of being idolized. No. No no no no.
It's sad that he did die the way he did...but idolizing the man is ridiculous. He died by overdosinging (likely) and that is not glamorous or cool or worthy of being idolized. Jesus died on a cross, for us, and that is worthy of being worshipped. People get things so confused. They didn't know the man. I get things confused too. All the time. I know I do idolize and put things before the Lord who so amazingly died for me. Who gloriously died. To save me from the very things I idolize. The very thing that, if I let it, will be my destruction. Yes. I get confused too. Don't we all.

Another celebrity died today
Lower his body down into the grave
One night's drug over-dose
And now we're one down to look up to now
And idolize and expand our litany of shrines

Don't look down
Don't follow him now
Look up
Don't look down
A body lowered to the ground
Look up
To the one riding on the clouds
Reigning over all of us
Look up
Forever on a throne he sits
Brighter than Hollywood's shining awards
You, oh Jesus, are worth so much more
Than what we've been looking at.
Than who we've been looking for.

So much to do....

I want to do so much. And yet I have no idea what to do.
Life is fast approaching. On one hand I feel like I have to start making decisions. On the other hand I just want to push them under the rug for as much longer as possible...those awkward things I keep stepping on but am just too lazy to pick up and sort out and place in their rightful places. I don't want to decide whether those dreams I happen to prance upon from time to time might have to go to the trash bin or might be more proudly displayed on the actual path of my life instead of hidden under a (shag) rug.
I've thought I wanted to teach for a while now. But perhaps it's a cop out. It's easy...something that will be waiting when I get out of college. I'll know where to go to get a job. Some district out there. I'll have benefits, retirement. But I don't want to settle because I'm scared of going to college and not knowing what I'm going to do with my life afterward.
I'm the kind of gal who makes lists, you know. The kind who sticks to the list just because it's a list. And if I made the list, that girl, the one in the past, she had to have known what she was thinking, therefore, the list is set in stone, the list is absolutely positively, and unswervingly correct and I have got to follow it. Even if, while that girl was making the list, she said to herself, "I must have forgotten something". I have this mindset that if it's on the list, I cannot stray. I think I have psycological issues. I'm partly kidding...
College is on my list...as is having a plan in general. But maybe I don't have a plan. Maybe I don't know where I'm going to end up. I was dead set on going straight to SDSU and now I don't even know the state of my acceptance. I was dead set on getting a job in the library, but maybe I don't want to stick around school any longer than I have too. Maybe I have no clue what I'm doing....and maybe that's the point. Maybe I don't need my list. Maybe.
Had I gotten accepted last month, like most of my friends, I wouldn't be thinking about this right now. I feel like I have come out of my shell even more this past month and discovered things about myself that I may not have. If I would have gotten accepted right away I would have focused entirely on school and been driven to get in and get everything over with. But now I'm branching out...opening up new ideas in my mind. It's scary and so foreign.
I want to write, this is true. But maybe I like writing songs and poetry more than writing essays. Maybe I don't want to teach. Maybe I'm not passionate about it. Would you like to know what I want to do?
I want to be a publisher. I want to publish my grandmother's book of poems, Nubbins, that she no longer has the energy to see published for herself. I want to write songs and learn how to play the guitar better, and the piano. I want to open up my own cafe and make my own ceramic coffee cups, bowls, and plates, and hand paint them in all sorts of fun styles. I want to sell an eclectic mix of books in a room right off the cafe. I want to sew bags and spend time creating new, fun, exciting, better designs. I want to spend a few hours making simple dress patterns in fun patterns with patches and things and maybe someone would buy one someday. I want to make jewelry; earrings, necklaces, braclets, and wooden things. I want to write books. I want to be a graphic designer and create banners and posters and covers and random, neat, creative things for people. I want everything to be earthy and me. I want to be passionate. I want not to be constrained and confined to societies ideas of success and happiness. I want to be completely random and successful because I am passionate. And I want to do all things through Him. The funny thing is...all these things I want to do...the things that are simply on my "dream" list. They could all possibly tie together someday. I could be random and passionate and it could, theoretically, really work.
I still don't know what to do.
Right now, since I had a 45 minute nap, two consecutive grande starbucks drinks, and teramasu (sp?) and am thusfore wideawake....I will draw out some potential dress and purse patterns before reading, and then going to bed.

What do you want to do with your life?

Dream Person

Random thought:
Do you ever have dreams with random people in them and you've never met them or came across them before, to your knowledge? Do you ever wonder if those people really exist out there somewhere in the world? Perhaps not their character or personality or mannerisms, but their bodies? That somewhere in this vast world they are walking about...not only in your dreamland, but in reality as well?

I suppose I will likely never know.

On another note, I just spent the last two days with amazing people. Tommy, Jesse, Allie, and James came over last night and we sat by a fire pit in my front yard, guitar-ed, guitar hero-ed, played cards, and ate food. Then today I went to church with Tommy and then met up with James and Allie at James' house...then we went shopping for about 4 hours...probably more. We're hardcore. No, James is hardcore. Finally we went back to James', put in Phantom of the Opera...then James and I got bored, so we put it Friends and played cards. Theeen Sharon made dinner and man she packed my plate full and I could not even begin to finish it. That was funny. She yelled at me to sit back and finish my plate and flustered, I started to sit back down and she just started cracccking up and saying just kiddding. Yeah, good stuff. I don't care much for dinner at other people's houses for that reason :) haha. But it was a fun night....fun couple of days. And tomorrow I'm hanging with Allie and James again since it's New Year's Eve and then camp!! Rad...it's going to be so cold in Big Bear :)

I'm Still Alive

I haven't posted in quite a while, for me, although it seems like such a short while. Funny how life passes quickly when your life is packed full of things to do and accomplish.
From Wednesday till Sunday I spent re-doing, re-painting, re-decorating, and re-furnishing my bedroom. Before that, all extra time was spent on church, school, and finding floors. I now have hard-wood-like lamenent IKEA flooring and white "decorative" closet organizers as well as a new desk...well, soon to be desk. It isn't finished. My dad and I are going to make a top for it...that doesn't make sense now. But I will post pictures of our tiresome weekend and the products of our labor later :)
Hope everyone had a swell Thanksgiving...


It feels good to be organized...in an OCD kind of way though.

Sick

I am sick today and sound like a frog. Just thought

Balance

I'm not gonna lie. I'm having a hard time. I watch all these shows, I go to this class, I read these books about nutrition and how it's so important and people are aging their bodies and dying so much sooner and in a lot of cases it's all preventable by exercise and nutrition. Yet I come home and my mom and I have a conversation about it all and she says she's worried this nutrition class is making things worse, that I need to not be so picky about eating healthy and that one piece of pizza or one chicken wing or one cheeseburger is not going to cause a heart attack. I know this. But shoot, one leads to another. I have plenty of "ones". But I feel better (!) when I'm eating healthy. It's good when I exercise. It gives me something to do. So just because I'm being "too picky" means we can't have healthy food? She basically said it's irrelevant and "not about that" because she used to have a greasy cheeseburger and brownie ice cream at Frostyz everyday when she was in high school. It did make some sort of difference. She just can't see it yet. I wish I could control the cupboards and shop myself at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods or Henry's or somethingggg. But Trader Joe's, being the only one my mom will shop at, stresses me out. It's such a small store and I never feel like I can look around before I start freaking out.
What spurred this post was Oprah. Hah! Dr. Oz is on and took a servey of the audience's health. The healiest woman in the audience cooks nearly all her meals herself (no eating out/fast food/ processed/ preservatives) and she runs three times a week with a friend and swims two other days of the week. That is amazing! I want to do that! At least the exercise. The eating too, actually. Maybe I should take a culinary class next semester so I can cook dinners. I am really awful at cooking. But I need to learn how if I'm ever going to truly be a healthy person. I am so clueless when it comes to cooking...I burn grilled cheese for heaven's sake.
Anyway, I've really been wanting to go running. It's like this itch I've been having. But not just running. Prayer running. I think I need to do it. But I'm a girl and my parents are worried about me running around the neighborhood alone in the mornings. Especially since there have been a few early-morning break-in's to cars and garages lately.
Other than that, I really want to, sometime in my lifetime, participate in a triathalon. I think that would be amazing. And it's not so much the triathalon part. It's the training that takes place months and months before. The discipline to realize there is really a goal at the end. I don't know if my body would even be able to hold up. I've had knee and back problems since middle school. But part of the problem, my doctor said, may be that I don't have enough "core strength"...abs. And I just haven't used my legs in years so perhaps if I start slower I could gain strength and build them up.
I read this book over the summer called Prayerwalk by Janet Holm McHenry and it was seriously amazing. I recommend it a lot. It makes you want to get up and do something, for your community, for your healthy, and, most importantly for God--to see him released by prayer throughout your community and personal life. It's goood. :)

Even Here.

I have had this nagging headache for days now. My picture frames are off center behind my head right now. And that's making it worse. So, I came to bed. Turned off the lights and drank up the darkness, letting it wash this headache out of me. Yet, as so often happens, I could not stay down for long because words wriggled their way to the front of my imagination and demanded to be put to music and jotted down on the nearest piece of paper at hand. I love those times. When the Lord reveals my heart to me. Odd, to put it that way, yes. But truly I cannot tell you how I just don't feel the reality of what I'm feeling at times. I just don't think of it. I just push it back. I sweep it under the rug. Or, like a little kid, hide it under the bed, or in the closet. It's not on the surface, these thoughts, worries, burning desires. But that doesn't mean they aren't there. Writing is my release. Writing is my running. And it's amazing how He can meet me here. Even here. In this room, in the dark and wash over me, romance me. Make me feel. It's craziness.

Making Plans

Life has been a little unsettled lately--nothing major or bad...just, changing, again. In the next few days I have to make a decision about some commitments, in terms of school and ministry opportunities, that will shape the next year of my life-dun, dun, dun. No, I'm actually excited and prayyyying that tonight God will reveal his plan for the next year as well as some other things I've had on my heart for a bit now. At Foothills they are holding a three day conference, starting off tonight, called "Draw Near and Hear". Basically it's an intense time of worship and opportunity for us, as there will be many people with prophetic spiritual gifts, there to pray over us and talk with us. I've never been and I don't know the details yet, but I hear it's intense and the Holy Spirit will without doubt be very real and present. I'm anxious and excited and hopeful all at the same time!
This has truly been a month of spiritual growth and I am so loving it and feeling so much closer to the Lord it's amazing. In the next few days I really pray I take more leaps of faith and step out and praise the Lord.
Alright, more updating later! Happy Friday? :P

College Trip to San Francisco

Alright, so I got back from the College Trip last night and wow, I was not expecting it to be some amazing religious experience/revelation. But I feel like I completely grew in faith and character as a result of going.

I don't know if I have time or want to disclose here everything that happened in my head and heart but I'll still write and post losts of pictures. Overall it was a really fun and exciting time! I haven't really been to a big city or anywhere, really, like Santa Cruz/San Francisco and the surrounding areas.


But first, let's start with Saturday.

Saturday:

I got done packing and went to went to Barnes & Noble to get a good book, because I love to read on vacations. After searching and searching I finally found a book my mentor, Jenny, had suggested, Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. Then I went to church with my mom for the Saturday evening service instead of the Junior/Senior prom at the Bahia. Pastor Mark gave an amazing sermon about accepting the places God puts you in. Accepting the negative circumstances that result in disobedience, yet still allowing God to bless you in these times. The message just filled me up and gave me peace about my trip...like a good meal before leaving for a journey. I knew this trip would be interesting, I didn't know if I would be any good at protecting my time and devotions with the Lord for three days. I really needed some encouragment and I got it!

Sunday:
I woke up around 5:30, got ready, and headed to the airport with my dad. I've only been on a plane two other times, so I'm not airport or take-off savvy and I was a bit nervous about the flight, I'll have to say. But the take off and then landing was perfect so I really had nothing to worry about. The view was stellar and I liked it a lot.

When we arrived in San Jose we drove to Monterey to visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium which was pretty fun! It was really nice of Stephanie to plan little fun excursions here and there besides colleges. After about two hours, give or take a bit, we got to our hotel and I have to say I was a bit nervous at the area and real appearance of the hotel...it was really small. But everything worked out fine and I honestly enjoyed it a lot! About a minute from the hotel was the beach:

and then the board walk, with two or three roller coasters, bumper cars, miniature golf, and various places to eat and shop. We ate dinner at this little hole in the wall Mexican place...and I, for one, forgot we were in more of Northern California and quite a ways from the border. In other words, I didn't think anything was amazing and our rolled tacos frankly bit the big one. But Flick got a lot of burrito for his money:

Then we went shopping, I bought a Santa Cruz sweatshirt and Flick bought a Wilson volleyball with the Wilson handprint from Castaway on it. We went to the courts and messed around. I have to say I have not laughed so hard for a while. It was quite a work out and I was so tired.

But after telling everyone else how much fun it was, they all wanted to go for a late night session. We ended up staying down at the beach from around 6:00 till exactly 10:00 (our curfew) playing volleyball. The next morning y forearms were bruised. I haven't played vball since freshman year...ouch!

So after we got back to the hotel Stephanie came in andmade sure we were back from la playa and then told us lights out at 11:00, but until then we could do whatever we wanted on the premises, as long as we were behaved and quite--as there were actually other guests probably trying to sleep, though I'm not sure many kids got that :P

A group of the guys and girls all went upstairs to one of the girl's rooms to have a "dance party"...and I don't know what the heck they were doing but it sounded like elephants up there!! I opted out and decided to stay in the room Kayla and I shared to protect my time with the Lord. I have to say that was one of the best times I've had in my devotions and it was so much better than seeing some of the guys from class put on girls' pants and girls' bathing suit tops, though I'm sure that was hilarious :P haha.

After 11:00 when the girls came back in we had some interesting conversations to say the least and I got to know Amanda and Kayla even more than I already know them which was awesome too!

Monday:

I woke up around 7:00 to Stephanie's wake-up call and we all piled on the bus and went to Berkley and San Francisco State University.

I realized at Berkley that I really don't like the city at all. It drives me nuts and it's dirty and I just don't care for it whatsoever. But as I was walking through it, sickened by the people and the filth, I was kind of caught by this question: "Would you go here if I asked you to. They need help, too." Ouch. I got scared. The idea of me, a Christian conservative little girl, going up to this guy or that woman, with a completely liberal mindset was so frightening. But could I do it? Would I do it? I guess I would. But Lord, I'd rather not. And it wasn't like I felt him telling me to go to Berkley. It was just that I was walking through Telegraph Street completely disgusted and wanting to leave and reality hit causing me to see that those were still God's children and those people still needed him, they were still lost and he still cared and what right did I have completely bashing the place.

We got lost miserably on our way to San Francisco State University. The tension on the bus was high and I read a lot.

We also visited Santa Cruz University the next day, as well as San Jose State. Or something like that...it's been a week or so since we've been back and the facts are getting jumbled.

Anyway, to wrap this thing up, all in all I had some of the best times with the Lord. Just hanging out with him and realizing that he used to hang out by himself and pray also, when his friends were doing other things. On Tuesday morning I was up around 4 or 5 o'clock, took a shower, got ready, then just sat outside and it was...profound. Just sitting in the quiet. I hadn't gotten quiet for days. And I haven't gotten that quiet since...maybe December when we had "quiet times" at camp. It was just good to sit there, listening to the birds and taking in the ambience the morning offers; the stillness and God's grace and majesty. That's probably mushy. But c'mon...it's a great time of day and all too often I miss it.

On our way home I was freaking out a little bit. The plane was going in a circle and not going...well, up. That's what I thought it was supposed to do. I wasn't visibly freaking out...no, that's not me. But I was freaking out on the inside :) So I'm sitting in my seat, no one's sitting by me because everyone ditched me :) and I start thinking, Lord I don't want to go home yet, I really don't. There's too much to do, just...and then I swear to you he interjected: Are my Hands not big enough to carry you? Woa. Alright, touche. You win...whatever you want God. If I die I die, if I live, thank you :) You are enough. Then, the sunset that followed was AMAZING!! What a perfect way to end two great days of closeness with the Lord away from home. And it wasn't like I was at camp. It was just up the street...kind of :P. Anyway, that's my tale of our trip to San Francisco and what it meant to me. It was a pretty good experience, all in all.

Sorry if I repeated stuff, I wrote this in two non-consecutive sittings haha.