Sorry for the last post. I had a personal vendetta against the media that day.
I still kind of feel the same way...but toned down a bit :)
1.24.2008
1.22.2008
Dead Celeb.
I think I'm being cynical.
I think I'm having a downright cynical day.
I sign into myspace a half hour or so ago to find all these bulletins posted "Heath Ledger is Dead!!!???!!" yada yada.
My first thought was, yes, sad. Death is sad. I looked up a news story and he died of a drug overdose...supposedly. For all I really know he's partying in Tahiti right now. For all any of us know. Yet people seem to really care. And it's rather ticking me off. Perhaps that's wrong. Perhaps we should care and feel compassion for every single one who dies that we hear of. But if, in a few moments, I posted a bulletin that my great grandpa died and I was seriously distraught, no one would repost that. There would be no flood of bulletins, no flood of compassion. And they would know my grandfather just about as much as they know Ledger...a figment of their imagination...a man made up in their own mind. Because the man they see on the screen isn't Heath Ledger. That man was conjured up by multitudes of writers wanting people to peek into the window of their mind. And the Ledger we all saw was a pretty face. I dare say. Let the dead bury the dead. Go talk to your kids and brothers and sisters about overdosing and why you ought not do drugs to be "cool" because being dead isn't so cool. Really.
That is just the thing. Folks think he is the cream of the crop. He's hott, so that of course obviously signifies he's cool, and thusfore is worthy of being idolized. No. No no no no.
It's sad that he did die the way he did...but idolizing the man is ridiculous. He died by overdosinging (likely) and that is not glamorous or cool or worthy of being idolized. Jesus died on a cross, for us, and that is worthy of being worshipped. People get things so confused. They didn't know the man. I get things confused too. All the time. I know I do idolize and put things before the Lord who so amazingly died for me. Who gloriously died. To save me from the very things I idolize. The very thing that, if I let it, will be my destruction. Yes. I get confused too. Don't we all.
Another celebrity died today
Lower his body down into the grave
One night's drug over-dose
And now we're one down to look up to now
And idolize and expand our litany of shrines
Don't look down
Don't follow him now
Look up
Don't look down
A body lowered to the ground
Look up
To the one riding on the clouds
Reigning over all of us
Look up
Forever on a throne he sits
Brighter than Hollywood's shining awards
You, oh Jesus, are worth so much more
Than what we've been looking at.
Than who we've been looking for.
I think I'm having a downright cynical day.
I sign into myspace a half hour or so ago to find all these bulletins posted "Heath Ledger is Dead!!!???!!" yada yada.
My first thought was, yes, sad. Death is sad. I looked up a news story and he died of a drug overdose...supposedly. For all I really know he's partying in Tahiti right now. For all any of us know. Yet people seem to really care. And it's rather ticking me off. Perhaps that's wrong. Perhaps we should care and feel compassion for every single one who dies that we hear of. But if, in a few moments, I posted a bulletin that my great grandpa died and I was seriously distraught, no one would repost that. There would be no flood of bulletins, no flood of compassion. And they would know my grandfather just about as much as they know Ledger...a figment of their imagination...a man made up in their own mind. Because the man they see on the screen isn't Heath Ledger. That man was conjured up by multitudes of writers wanting people to peek into the window of their mind. And the Ledger we all saw was a pretty face. I dare say. Let the dead bury the dead. Go talk to your kids and brothers and sisters about overdosing and why you ought not do drugs to be "cool" because being dead isn't so cool. Really.
That is just the thing. Folks think he is the cream of the crop. He's hott, so that of course obviously signifies he's cool, and thusfore is worthy of being idolized. No. No no no no.
It's sad that he did die the way he did...but idolizing the man is ridiculous. He died by overdosinging (likely) and that is not glamorous or cool or worthy of being idolized. Jesus died on a cross, for us, and that is worthy of being worshipped. People get things so confused. They didn't know the man. I get things confused too. All the time. I know I do idolize and put things before the Lord who so amazingly died for me. Who gloriously died. To save me from the very things I idolize. The very thing that, if I let it, will be my destruction. Yes. I get confused too. Don't we all.
Another celebrity died today
Lower his body down into the grave
One night's drug over-dose
And now we're one down to look up to now
And idolize and expand our litany of shrines
Don't look down
Don't follow him now
Look up
Don't look down
A body lowered to the ground
Look up
To the one riding on the clouds
Reigning over all of us
Look up
Forever on a throne he sits
Brighter than Hollywood's shining awards
You, oh Jesus, are worth so much more
Than what we've been looking at.
Than who we've been looking for.
Untitled--Latest Religion?
The children are playing in the yard
Since when do we feel like
They ought to be accompanied by armed guards?
What has this world come to
Do you hear what I’m asking you
What do we subject our young ones to
There’s drugs, sex, and rock and roll
When do you plan to tell them
That they can all takes their less than pleasant toll
Without asking politely
Without asking their permission (at all)
You see
They can slip so easily into the world’s latest religion
While I was on my way to class today, Quinn (3 years old) ran out her front door yelling Sharon, Sharon! Then, Courtney, Courtney! After she could see who I really was...and she came up and she gave me a huge hug. That girl is the sweetest thing. She is so uplifting, even at just 3...I know she will be a great encourager to so many around her when she's older. I can see part of her gifts at just 3 years old. But if those gifts are hindered by the enemy in her life...by not knowing the Lord at all...by just slipping into the world's latest fads, religions, mindsets, etc....she would be so cheated. As would all of us.
I just sat down with my guitar and started playing that Am, C, G, D picking pattern. It's not going anywhere immediately, so I guess that's all for now. But I thought I'd post it for kicks.
And to say that I'm having a slightly melancholy, minor-chord kind of day. Hah
Since when do we feel like
They ought to be accompanied by armed guards?
What has this world come to
Do you hear what I’m asking you
What do we subject our young ones to
There’s drugs, sex, and rock and roll
When do you plan to tell them
That they can all takes their less than pleasant toll
Without asking politely
Without asking their permission (at all)
You see
They can slip so easily into the world’s latest religion
While I was on my way to class today, Quinn (3 years old) ran out her front door yelling Sharon, Sharon! Then, Courtney, Courtney! After she could see who I really was...and she came up and she gave me a huge hug. That girl is the sweetest thing. She is so uplifting, even at just 3...I know she will be a great encourager to so many around her when she's older. I can see part of her gifts at just 3 years old. But if those gifts are hindered by the enemy in her life...by not knowing the Lord at all...by just slipping into the world's latest fads, religions, mindsets, etc....she would be so cheated. As would all of us.
I just sat down with my guitar and started playing that Am, C, G, D picking pattern. It's not going anywhere immediately, so I guess that's all for now. But I thought I'd post it for kicks.
And to say that I'm having a slightly melancholy, minor-chord kind of day. Hah
1.18.2008
So much to do....
I want to do so much. And yet I have no idea what to do.
Life is fast approaching. On one hand I feel like I have to start making decisions. On the other hand I just want to push them under the rug for as much longer as possible...those awkward things I keep stepping on but am just too lazy to pick up and sort out and place in their rightful places. I don't want to decide whether those dreams I happen to prance upon from time to time might have to go to the trash bin or might be more proudly displayed on the actual path of my life instead of hidden under a (shag) rug.
I've thought I wanted to teach for a while now. But perhaps it's a cop out. It's easy...something that will be waiting when I get out of college. I'll know where to go to get a job. Some district out there. I'll have benefits, retirement. But I don't want to settle because I'm scared of going to college and not knowing what I'm going to do with my life afterward.
I'm the kind of gal who makes lists, you know. The kind who sticks to the list just because it's a list. And if I made the list, that girl, the one in the past, she had to have known what she was thinking, therefore, the list is set in stone, the list is absolutely positively, and unswervingly correct and I have got to follow it. Even if, while that girl was making the list, she said to herself, "I must have forgotten something". I have this mindset that if it's on the list, I cannot stray. I think I have psycological issues. I'm partly kidding...
College is on my list...as is having a plan in general. But maybe I don't have a plan. Maybe I don't know where I'm going to end up. I was dead set on going straight to SDSU and now I don't even know the state of my acceptance. I was dead set on getting a job in the library, but maybe I don't want to stick around school any longer than I have too. Maybe I have no clue what I'm doing....and maybe that's the point. Maybe I don't need my list. Maybe.
Had I gotten accepted last month, like most of my friends, I wouldn't be thinking about this right now. I feel like I have come out of my shell even more this past month and discovered things about myself that I may not have. If I would have gotten accepted right away I would have focused entirely on school and been driven to get in and get everything over with. But now I'm branching out...opening up new ideas in my mind. It's scary and so foreign.
I want to write, this is true. But maybe I like writing songs and poetry more than writing essays. Maybe I don't want to teach. Maybe I'm not passionate about it. Would you like to know what I want to do?
I want to be a publisher. I want to publish my grandmother's book of poems, Nubbins, that she no longer has the energy to see published for herself. I want to write songs and learn how to play the guitar better, and the piano. I want to open up my own cafe and make my own ceramic coffee cups, bowls, and plates, and hand paint them in all sorts of fun styles. I want to sell an eclectic mix of books in a room right off the cafe. I want to sew bags and spend time creating new, fun, exciting, better designs. I want to spend a few hours making simple dress patterns in fun patterns with patches and things and maybe someone would buy one someday. I want to make jewelry; earrings, necklaces, braclets, and wooden things. I want to write books. I want to be a graphic designer and create banners and posters and covers and random, neat, creative things for people. I want everything to be earthy and me. I want to be passionate. I want not to be constrained and confined to societies ideas of success and happiness. I want to be completely random and successful because I am passionate. And I want to do all things through Him. The funny thing is...all these things I want to do...the things that are simply on my "dream" list. They could all possibly tie together someday. I could be random and passionate and it could, theoretically, really work.
I still don't know what to do.
Right now, since I had a 45 minute nap, two consecutive grande starbucks drinks, and teramasu (sp?) and am thusfore wideawake....I will draw out some potential dress and purse patterns before reading, and then going to bed.
What do you want to do with your life?
Life is fast approaching. On one hand I feel like I have to start making decisions. On the other hand I just want to push them under the rug for as much longer as possible...those awkward things I keep stepping on but am just too lazy to pick up and sort out and place in their rightful places. I don't want to decide whether those dreams I happen to prance upon from time to time might have to go to the trash bin or might be more proudly displayed on the actual path of my life instead of hidden under a (shag) rug.
I've thought I wanted to teach for a while now. But perhaps it's a cop out. It's easy...something that will be waiting when I get out of college. I'll know where to go to get a job. Some district out there. I'll have benefits, retirement. But I don't want to settle because I'm scared of going to college and not knowing what I'm going to do with my life afterward.
I'm the kind of gal who makes lists, you know. The kind who sticks to the list just because it's a list. And if I made the list, that girl, the one in the past, she had to have known what she was thinking, therefore, the list is set in stone, the list is absolutely positively, and unswervingly correct and I have got to follow it. Even if, while that girl was making the list, she said to herself, "I must have forgotten something". I have this mindset that if it's on the list, I cannot stray. I think I have psycological issues. I'm partly kidding...
College is on my list...as is having a plan in general. But maybe I don't have a plan. Maybe I don't know where I'm going to end up. I was dead set on going straight to SDSU and now I don't even know the state of my acceptance. I was dead set on getting a job in the library, but maybe I don't want to stick around school any longer than I have too. Maybe I have no clue what I'm doing....and maybe that's the point. Maybe I don't need my list. Maybe.
Had I gotten accepted last month, like most of my friends, I wouldn't be thinking about this right now. I feel like I have come out of my shell even more this past month and discovered things about myself that I may not have. If I would have gotten accepted right away I would have focused entirely on school and been driven to get in and get everything over with. But now I'm branching out...opening up new ideas in my mind. It's scary and so foreign.
I want to write, this is true. But maybe I like writing songs and poetry more than writing essays. Maybe I don't want to teach. Maybe I'm not passionate about it. Would you like to know what I want to do?
I want to be a publisher. I want to publish my grandmother's book of poems, Nubbins, that she no longer has the energy to see published for herself. I want to write songs and learn how to play the guitar better, and the piano. I want to open up my own cafe and make my own ceramic coffee cups, bowls, and plates, and hand paint them in all sorts of fun styles. I want to sell an eclectic mix of books in a room right off the cafe. I want to sew bags and spend time creating new, fun, exciting, better designs. I want to spend a few hours making simple dress patterns in fun patterns with patches and things and maybe someone would buy one someday. I want to make jewelry; earrings, necklaces, braclets, and wooden things. I want to write books. I want to be a graphic designer and create banners and posters and covers and random, neat, creative things for people. I want everything to be earthy and me. I want to be passionate. I want not to be constrained and confined to societies ideas of success and happiness. I want to be completely random and successful because I am passionate. And I want to do all things through Him. The funny thing is...all these things I want to do...the things that are simply on my "dream" list. They could all possibly tie together someday. I could be random and passionate and it could, theoretically, really work.
I still don't know what to do.
Right now, since I had a 45 minute nap, two consecutive grande starbucks drinks, and teramasu (sp?) and am thusfore wideawake....I will draw out some potential dress and purse patterns before reading, and then going to bed.
What do you want to do with your life?
1.12.2008
The Line
We went to Big Bear and I will write a ton about that later, I'm sure...but right now I don't have the pictures, or that kind of motivation...so I would like to pose a question instead....
I have been thinking a lot lately about the things we do daily that we can play off as being unspiritual and insignificant to our personal spirituality. Things like listening to that kind of music, or watching that kind of movie, reading that kind of book, going to that kind of place...so many things we do and just don't necessarily think all too much about it. But what does God think? Does he care all that much if I go see a PG-13 movie that has some vulgarity and inappropriate things that apparently aren't "of God"? Does every movie I see have to be like Facing the Giants? I mean...if we really get down to it, even the cartoons are vulgar these day. Like Shrek...there are many allusion to not so nice things. And music, if I turn on 102.1 am I disappointing God because the people aren't exactly singing His praises? Also, smoking and drinkning...if I smoke a cigar or cigarette, or have a drink...but I'm not addicted by any means, is that sinning? Is that so wrong? Is that so ungodly?
Where is the line? I don't know?
The way I have lived seeing it thus far is that if I don't struggle with the things these movies or music promotes, then it is okay. If I don't struggle with cussing, drinking, sex, etc. then it doesn't affect me all that much, or my spiritual walk, if I go see a movie that isn't so Godly afterall, or if I listen to music that contains some subjects that aren't all that great or moral. Is this a wrong way of taking it? Am I condoning all these things and is that wrong? Am I supposed to watch nothing and listen to only Christian music, read only Christian books, and talk about only Christian things? In a perfect world, how great would that be. But we don't live in a perfect world...we live here. Unfortunately. So what to do? I truly don't know.
I don't drink or smoke...because I have no personal desire to, but maybe someday will, who knows...I do not think I watch awful things, but I don't watch the best things (not that there are bests out there anymore)....I don't think I listen to awful music....but some of it isn't the best....
But where is the line? Is the line the same for everyone? Or does it move according to personal conviction and how things affect people's personal walks with the Lord? I don't know...but I would love your opinion. Really.
I have been thinking a lot lately about the things we do daily that we can play off as being unspiritual and insignificant to our personal spirituality. Things like listening to that kind of music, or watching that kind of movie, reading that kind of book, going to that kind of place...so many things we do and just don't necessarily think all too much about it. But what does God think? Does he care all that much if I go see a PG-13 movie that has some vulgarity and inappropriate things that apparently aren't "of God"? Does every movie I see have to be like Facing the Giants? I mean...if we really get down to it, even the cartoons are vulgar these day. Like Shrek...there are many allusion to not so nice things. And music, if I turn on 102.1 am I disappointing God because the people aren't exactly singing His praises? Also, smoking and drinkning...if I smoke a cigar or cigarette, or have a drink...but I'm not addicted by any means, is that sinning? Is that so wrong? Is that so ungodly?
Where is the line? I don't know?
The way I have lived seeing it thus far is that if I don't struggle with the things these movies or music promotes, then it is okay. If I don't struggle with cussing, drinking, sex, etc. then it doesn't affect me all that much, or my spiritual walk, if I go see a movie that isn't so Godly afterall, or if I listen to music that contains some subjects that aren't all that great or moral. Is this a wrong way of taking it? Am I condoning all these things and is that wrong? Am I supposed to watch nothing and listen to only Christian music, read only Christian books, and talk about only Christian things? In a perfect world, how great would that be. But we don't live in a perfect world...we live here. Unfortunately. So what to do? I truly don't know.
I don't drink or smoke...because I have no personal desire to, but maybe someday will, who knows...I do not think I watch awful things, but I don't watch the best things (not that there are bests out there anymore)....I don't think I listen to awful music....but some of it isn't the best....
But where is the line? Is the line the same for everyone? Or does it move according to personal conviction and how things affect people's personal walks with the Lord? I don't know...but I would love your opinion. Really.
1.06.2008
Prayerwalking
I decided to really start prayerwalking as one of my several new year's resolutions this year. I went on a lovely walk yesterday and felt refreshed and filled up a bit as I arrived home. But today it was raining and I couldn't walk in the rain...I mean, I could have. But I most likely would have gotten chastized by my mother, we're going to Big Bear for three days, starting Wednesday, and I can't get sick, afterall. I want to write about camp....but I'm just not up for it. What I'm really up for, is some food...I don't know what kind yet. Perhaps oatmeal. Maybe chicken salad sandwiches...maybe both hahh.
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