Easter, Yoga Bags

Quick up date, lots of pictures!

Easter was fun...we spent Saturday night filling up water balloons for the kids (Quinn, Nolan, Gavin, Chandler, Cameron, & Connor)--and adults. My fingers are raw and still slightly blistered from tying--between Marion, Chandler, and I--over 600 water balloons!

Sunday we all came home from church, put bathing suits on over our shorts and tank tops and blasted each other with balloons. My arm still hurts from throwing so many. I woke up the next morning with a kink between my right shoulder blade and everything! hah

The water balloons were gone in about 10 minutes between all of us pelting eachother...but it was fun and worth it and a great new tradition.

I only had one week of spring break, unfortunately, because my school is on Grossmont College's schedule. So over this time I was able to perfect my yoga mat bag design and have sold the blue bag.

The red/pink/off white bag still needs an owner!

That's about all for now (: Hope everyone's Easter was fantastic...

The Inspiration Behind the Shirt

1st shirt back view
Originally uploaded by courtneeyday

I sewed my first shirt on, I guess, March 9, because that's the day before I uploaded the photo you can see here. My aunt unknowingly inspired me to sew. When I really started sewing she sent me fabric through the mail.

Aunt
03.13.08

A brown package from Washington,
where you live these days,
full of color on the inside—
All kinds and textures of fabrics
and an old table cloth with painted
red, blue, yellow, green flowers
and brown swirls.
This was my favorite. It made me think
of you.

I wish I knew you more, my mother’s
sister whom her friends don’t think exist.
The elusive, whimsical, fleeting aunt
with crazy curly bleached blonde hair and red
lipstick and white flowing shirts contrasted by weathered
tan skin speckled with freckles.

She would tell me stories of you cutting
Up bed sheets late at night and creating things.
You were cold in the winter, but you had cute clothes.

I wish you hadn’t run away
To Cabo with your boyfriend—
Bob? Mike? Tom? I can’t remember which one
they all blur together now—
Leaving behind your kids,
your family,
eventually me…
your little niece who loved her auntie.

You came over to babysit me and my blonde
pigtails once.
You put Barbie dolls on the ceiling fan
And we watched them fly when you flipped the magic switch.

You were magical.
You could make things disappear, like
Grandma’s silver engraved coasters
when I closed my eyes.
And you could make a quarter come out of your belly button—
If it didn’t get stuck in your bra.

You could fly away and disappear and reappear
and disappear again, too.
You were magic
then.

I grew up and never told you how much
I really liked you and wanted to be like you
And look like you
And act like you
And talk to you and hug you and spend time with you.

When I was three we spent a lot
of time together in the car while my mom,
your sister, drove you to your
A.A. meetings.
You would let me hold your shiny special plastic coins
and I lost the red one, the last one, in the backseat of
the beat up gold Honda accord and we never found it
and we never took you again either.

I didn’t understand then, but I get it now.
You can’t teach me how to sew because most days
you can’t sew a straight line anymore.
So I learned from your sister, my mom,
And I use the fabric you send every once in a while.
But I could use you a lot more, you know.
To teach me magic tricks.

I made myself a shirt out of that old
Table cloth you gave me.
Someone asked me if it was for sale,
but I said no, maybe another one.
It’s imperfect and funky and it makes me
Think of you.

I grew up to be a lot like you,
Even without you.
Finding comfort in things we both love—
painting, sewing, beauty.
Things some people just don’t see or feel
or understand.
You know,
I could have understood you better than
that hard empty glass.

Aunt

1st shirt back view Originally uploaded by courtneeyday I sewed that shirt...my first one, out of an old table cloth my aunt mailed me from Washington years ago. She was kind of the one who unknowingly inspired me to sew. But that's not the point of this post.

Poetry Submission

It's Spring
Originally uploaded by courtneeyday

I'm taking a creative writing class and my pieces have to be workshopped. I was really uncomfortable with this at first but have yet to have a negative experience. Some people have actual constructive things to say while others just say "it was good". All in all I'm really liking this class.
However, the poetry submissions were today and I gave myself very little time to write my poems. I procrastinated...but not purposefully...I just didn't feel overly inspired to write this week. Or play music. Which is just a drag. I'm feeling the passion come back though, it's coming.
Anyway...I was nervous. I managed to crank out a fresh new poem (which I wasn't overly thrilled with nor did I know how it would be received...) and I expanded my song, "Paper Bag", which I retitled "Truth in Lies" for this project. I wasn't confident or comfortable with either, but oh well...it's not a "failing" class. As long as I submit something at all I will get a good grade. Actually the submissions aren't even "graded" per say...It's rad.
So I was sitting in class waiting to hear who was in my group. I was really hoping I didn't get this one guy in my group. He's kind of edgy and I'm intimidated by him. He went to my old high school and he'd always been kind of a "cool" kid who probably had deep thoughts and an intense writing style. He was in my group and I was sweating the whole time.
We all read through eachother's poems and his were the ones that took the most time to read and pick apart and they were good, a little cryptic, and I enjoyed them. And all the while I was thinking, wow, he must think my pieces are junk.
We started discussing them and we went over his pieces first and I unraveled it just how he intended, which was good to know, because it did take me a few minutes to figure out. I don't think anyone else in our group really understood it. I'm not sure he really understood what he wrote haha.
We finally got to my poems and he was the first to speak saying I was a great writer and that he just wanted to keep reading them over and over and I always intimidated him when I spoke up in class when we pick apart poetry because he feels like an idiot for not knowing anything in this class. Hah! I was worried over nothing. He is not who I thought he was and that's awesome. I think I do this a lot with people--previously steriotype them when I have no real need to worry about what they're thinking of me. I like this guy, it turns out. He's a nice fellow and down to earth. Well, of what I saw today.
I wonder what people think of me. Like he thinks I'm some literary genius because I speak up about what I think things mean in class and I point out details in people's writings I like and don't like...but that's just opinion based. I'm not educated in this (yet) so my thoughts on it hold very little. But here I had these preconceived notions about him and he doesn't even speak.
I wish I could get into people's heads sometimes.

Anyway, these are my poems, if you'd like to read them:

I Helped.

We sat on the itchy carpet here,
17 years ago in this same living
room now changed by age.
I helped you learn to breathe
every third stroke so you wouldn’t
hyperventilate.

Blow out, 1, 2
breathe in deep, 3.
Reach farther, pull deeper, pretend
you’re cutting through the water like a champion.

We sit here now, 8:30 at night,
but it’s a different we.
She looks just like you,
so small and fragile and full of
innocent life and she wants to learn
how to tumble and fly so I’m helping
her learn to land safely in my
arms.

I’ll spot you, trust me,
I’ll help you over the back bend.
You can do it.
Relax, have fun, pretend
You’re floating in the air.

You’re in the other room getting ahead,
filling out paper work cast in a shade of blue
from your computer screen.
You’re making calls to other people’s children all
grown up and in their business suits at
home at this hour still.
Maybe their mothers or fathers sat on their living
room carpets and taught them, too.

Reach farther, pull deeper, pretend
you’re cutting your way to the top
you’re cutting your way out of your
little childrens’ lives—the only ones who will ever accept
you just because you’re you.

I wish I would have taught you
how to
fly
instead.


Truth in Lies.

We’re all just a bunch
of wet,
brown,
paper bags,
trying to carry the weight
of the world.

We’re all just a bunch
of bright,
red,
bleeding hearts,
who cry out for sympathy
but “No thank you, we don’t need help”.

We’re all just a bunch
of writers,
cynics,
and criticizers,
who use words to judge and tear down,
using the pieces to build an altar to ourselves.


We’re all just a bunch
of eyes,
ears,
and minds,
that see, hear, believe anything we want them to
finding truth in our own lies.

What kind of life have we
been living?



P.S. I have been slightly obsessed this week with Patty Griffin (particularly Every Little Bit) and Natalie Merchant (particularly Wonder and Carnival). So great (:

P.P.S. Alexia Hunter will be my new apprentice for small group leadership and I am so stoked, God has blessed me with the perfect partner for this! It is going so well already, she's been leading worship for 3 weeks now and ah! it's great. Praise the Lord...she is well worth the wait!

Today was awesome!

It was a gorgeous day, again, and I was in a productive mood. I am really hoping tomorrow is the same! I woke up determined to start shaping and perfecting the new "piece" for my "collection" (bahhhaha): The Yoga Mat DayBag! It was a success, I stinking adore it! I don't usually get so excited about bags, but this one I totally dig...which is strange, because I don't even own a mat...I just use the ones provided at the gym. I will post more pictures of it later...but this is just my first try, so it's pretty rough and I'll probably try to sell this one for only $12 or $15 because it's definitely not the highest quality...but it still took fabric and a lot of time! Anyway, I'm really excited...my neighbor, who is all into business and things like that thinks I should create a webpage, which he could actually do for me, and sell them and my original DayBags through it. I haven't done this before because I don't know what kind of business license, if any, or patent or whatever for the name, etc....all the legal hoops I'd have to jump through...taxes. Yada yada. We'll see. If I actually did make the site and actually did start sewing basically full time again that'd mean I'd actually have to do it again! Which will be tricky....seeing as I am great at procrastinating while being in control of my own work hours. Ah well....it would, again, beat a real job. Perhaps this is my answer to prayer and I'm just not taking it.

Anyway, I got a great babysitting opportunity first thing this morning as well. Tonight I watched 6 crazy kids and two dogs and racked in the dough. I also took all my coins into the coin machine and was pleasantly surprised to recieve $50 in return! I was starting to stress out this week about this month's car payment and in one day it was completely covered! Praise God or what. He's pretty rad like that.

Anyway, I spent about 5 hours with these 6 kids tonight and had a blast. We played hide and go seek, sardines (which was better, because I knew where all of them were the whole time...I could help one kid hide, stuff the rest in the bathroom to wait for us, and then follow the 5 when they went searching for the kid's hiding place and I chuckled at their misdirection since I knew where whoever was it was hiding), we colored for hours, a few kids played guitar hero, I read books to Quinn and Nat, and we did tumbling and took pictures, and ate pizza and it was a great time!

I don't usually enjoy watching kids this much but it was fun tonight. I almost think it's because there was an ecclectic mix...when one of them was annoying me I could go check on the other ones and spend a few minutes with them haha.

Good day over all and hopefully this productive kick won't end tomorrow!

6 (03.07.08) : Water balloons

6 (03.07.08) : Water balloons
Originally uploaded by courtneeyday

Today was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining and the air was just the right amount of crisp and warmth. The clouds painted the sky lightly here and there but other than that it was blue as ever and the flowers were all bloomed and the grass and hills were all lush and green because of the rain we've had recently. But not today. Today was amazing.
We had class outside and I got a bit tan (: which makes me feel happy and healthy, not so washed out by winter. I think I'm ready for summer now. I was loving the rain, but I'm ready for the ocean again.
Today I came home and made myself lunch and sat outside on a curb in the sun and eventually Quinn came out to play. We made it our mission to fill up a water balloon. We made many failed attempts but finally succeeded.
After many many pictures and lots of fun I finally chose the one above for my picture of the day (:
I hope tomorrow is as good as today was.
Though tomorrow I have to think about scholarships and sewing and making money. I don't want to think about money tomorrow. I just want to play with water balloons and walk around the cul-de-sac with no shoes on and Quinner pulling at my hand instructing me to walk this way and that and to do this and that.
But I'm broke and I have bills to pay now. That sounds so dumb. Like I'm trying to make them up. And it stinks because I'm not. And I've run out of money because I've been lazy at my "business". So now I have to pick up the slack and wonder how long it will last this time...if I can just make it until I can get a job at the college library then I should be okay. I just don't want another job. So I guess I have to try to apply myself to the job I've made for myself--the one I can wear my pajamas too and that I can do at all hours of the day or night if I really pleased. It's an open office in this room of mine where I can make magic happen but often times put it off for the tomorrow or next weekend that rolls right into never.
I guess I don't want to grow up after all.
And I'd really rather not pay for college.

I've been thinking it's funny that I'm a pretty content person as I am, living in this house (which is amazing, I think) but as soon as I step foot into a store with nicer things than I have I want them. What a temptation. Usually it doesn't last.
I was at Lowe's the other day looking at sinks with my mom. They have these new (new to me, perhaps not really new...but I haven't seen them before!) ones with an actual bowl...like it could look like one you eat out of but really big--maybe a fancy thick salad or punch powl, placed ontop of a flat counter. So these sink bowls, the outside of them, you can see, so they can be decorated and different looking and actually be a focal point of the bathroom. I thought it was really neat and I really wanted one for my future house someday. Then I looked at the price and the one I liked--just the bowl--not even the counter top or cupboards underneath--was nearly $1,000. So I was thinking, well, I'll just marry a rich guy...or write a best selling novel and go on book tours before I have kids. Psh! I came home later and seriously who really cares about a sink bowl. You wash your dirty hands in it and you spit toothpaste in it when you're done brushing the plaque off your pearly whites. Who cares about a sink bowl.

I'm not sure what that had to do with much of anything and I don't know what kind of sink bowl I will have when I get older, but sometimes I care and sometimes I don't. I have nice things though. I am biased because I am already well off. Oh who knows.
It's late and I don't want to waste sunshine tomorrow.
Goodnight (:

Color

I have been realizing lately that my life really lacks color and brown can be just so plain and mundane and the same day after day and it's getting dreadfully boring and gloomy and depressing. I tried to find something colorful to wear today and all that I could really find was a too-tight tied-died quarter length sleeved shirt. So I wore it for a bit, then felt constrained (but in color!) and swapped it for a bright red work out shirt and went to the gym.

I'm doing the 365 project. Just on my own...not joining a nifty-net group or anything...just for fun, and because Lauren is and she's motivating me to actually try and accomplish it. Is it bad if I don't think I'll be able to do it and it's only day...3? hah! But, my goal, I have decided, at least for this month (it's still basically a fresh new month) is to capture color.


After deciding this I walked around my house, looking for all things color and all I found was taupe. It is so sad. So very drab and so very sadddd. I have let my mother's love of brown and her love for all things toned down and quiet to overtake my love for color, for brightness. I used to have a perriwinkle painted bedroom with lime green and bright yellow and orange accents. What happened to her? She got lost in a long line of endless shades of brown and dull tans and taupe. No more I say, I will rise above the colorless hue I live in. I will see things differently and bring forth that bright light hiding in the recesses of this home and this world. Yep. It's my goal.


Well...this month at least.


(:

And it's funny, because this will be overcoming a fear. Perhaps. Or I will fail at this months goal and fail, most likely at the 365 Project. I get so anxious when taking pictures when people might see. Like I'm not doing something right, I have a crappy camera, I'm just a poser, etc. I feel stupid. So maybe I will get used to it. Maybe I will grow out of it and then maybe I will be okay.
Okay. Haha what a funny word. Anyway...

Tonight I realized, at The Approach--a worship/prayer event, that I worry so much about not being enough of some particular thing in general (like that...it was kind of oxymoronical...particular....general...). I get this feeling like I should be all or nothing at everything I do. A radical man. If I sing, I should really start playing shows and making cds and writing more. If I take pictures, I should really buy a high dollar camera and learn a thing or two and be really good. If I dress like a hippie I shouldn't wear make-up or shower or shave or eat meat or support capital punishment and I shouldn't ever, ever put styrofoam in the recycle bin. If I love God enough I should just do everything and anything I can get my hands on to prove that I'm on the right track, that I'm making a difference, that I'm reaching more people than the other person over there, in the corner, alone, who doesn't even know Him. Yada yada. I always think I should be more of something and less of something else (the something that I actually am at that time). But I'm realizing, I realized tonight that I'm a balance. I'm not extreme and God didn't wire me that way, perhaps. Or maybe I haven't found that thing that I'm supposed to be extreme about yet. Or maybe I won't. Maybe who knows. Maybe I'm pretty decent and even a little good at a lot things and just because I'm not a professional or radical that maybe I'm just me and that's okay because that's how God made me. Maybe that's okay.
Okay.

I'm done (:



Good day