A little spare time...and change?

So I'm blogging :) Mainly because it's summer, so I can. With out feeling super guilty. A little guilty still, yes. But not super guilty. This year has gone by so incredibly fast and it is so crazy to look back on it and think of how many areas of my life that I have grown in. When I think about it, I do see I've grown. Maybe not blatantly spiritually as I did in the last year of high school, but I think the Lord has been revealing other things to me this year. More responsibility and future oriented than the physical, tingly spiritual...stuff, if that makes ANY sense at all. Let's see if I can explain more.
Basically, I've been learning a lot about responsibility, especially financially, this year. I got my first real-ish job, had my first battle with an insurance company over my totaled car and money compensation, had to make a tough choice while purchasing a new car, took out student loans, got laid off from my job, and was expecting to be flat broke this summer and desperate. It's been an interesting ride and I am blessed beyond belief, when I really take a minute to think about all of this. God knew what he was doing. Go figure :)
So my first job, at the SDSU library was super convenient and I loved it, still do. It allowed me to realize that I am capable of taking at least 15 units and still work 20-25 hours a week (depending on other comittments such as ministries), and still have a bit of a social life and not be pulling my hair out. I was somehow able to save a good deal of money this way even though I was just making $8.00 an hour and working 20 hours a week. I really don't know how in the world I managed to actually save money. I don't know how it started, but I just didn't view paychecks as MY money, I suppose. Which is weird. I guess perhaps it's because I like working and I like being busy that I would have filled up my time with more ministry stuff anyway (which I never got paid for before). I mean, if we figure it like that...then my junior/senior year of high school I was "working" at a higher ground club, jr high group, and high school small group, as well as interning at a jr high school. Interning was 2.5 hrs a week, hg club was 1.5 hrs-ish, jr high group was (still is) 3.5 hrs, high school small group leader was 2.5 hrs plus an extra 3 hours once a month for a leader meeting. That's 11 hours a week I had already been used to working for free for at least a year. So perhaps this prepared me to view the money I earned at my real job as not really mine. Yet, during this year, I have been able to do most everything I've wanted to. It's been nice being able to, but still learning responsibility. Like...I COULD buy that super cute shirt at Macy's...but I'd rather not. Let's go to Ross instead! Or just not buy anooother shirt. I have plenty :P It just feels fantastic to not have to live pay check to pay check and to just be secure, because I'm being smart. But I am fortunate to still be living at home too. That would be an entirely different story.
It just amazes me what people my age spend money on. Maybe it seems rediculous to some people...like I'm not enjoying the college life or not really living...but I'm not saving for anything specific...except to pay student loans off, to pay my car off (which I can do now!), and to buy a house. I'm not saving to just go blow it all on clothes, or a vacation, or a macbook (even though I reeeeally really really want one...!). I'm just trying to be practical and responsible and I think it's crazy at how easy it's been for me. Like this has to be of the Lord. It is so much more freeing to know that I am building habits and even money now in order to be financially secure for the future.
And it's crazy that I still feel this way even though I'm out of a job right now. God has blessed me. At the rate the economy was going, I saw that this was a possibility a long time ago. I mean, frankly every one should right now. And even now I do feel way more at peace than I would have I not had the (unnatural) desire to save the bulk of what I earned. And God even used my car accident to bless me. I prayed and prayed, probably not even as much as I should have, but he still blessed me! And I wasn't exactly as expectant as I normally would have been because....after all, it was an insurance company I had to deal with. But now I am in a better position probably than I was before. I have an amazing car, yet reasonable. I really wanted the Volvo S40...but I would have had to over extend myself a little too far, and I didn't want that. But now I have my wagon, which holds kayaks, is super plush on the inside, more roomy, newer, and with all the insurance money I could now have it paid off if I needed or wanted to today and I might still have been making payments on my old volvo.
As of now, the money making has slowed. But the insurance money has more than covered what I would have earned over the entire summer had I kept my old job. And getting laid off from my job has even opened up more time to look into new, better paying ones. As I even write this I am amazed at how all of this has worked out throughout this whole year. I was so discouraged when I got in my accident, and so discouraged when I got laid off, but you know what...God provides! And I know he will continue to, even more so, as long as I continue to seek him and thank him and praise him.
More and more I've been seeing God as my Father. And in this sense I see his blessings being poured out on me...but when I'm responsible. It's like my own dad. He wants to be able to provide for me, but if I was just blowing all of his cash on little materialistic things, he'd probably stop helping out so much. I think God wants to bless us and fulfill our needs...but also our wants and desires, reasonably. Do I think that if I had gone out and got the $18,000 Volvo S40 that I really wanted that I would be able to pay it off right now and be at peace financially. No, not really. I didn't need that. And frankly, I don't need the car I have now. So I could have done even better probably. But I do feel blessed all the same. And I just pray I can keep it up and the return when I'm able to pay off my school loans and buy my own house someday will be great :)
I love that God's wallet is big, even now when people are struggling. I'm almost glad that now the economy is bad. Because it's teaching us all, I hope, to be more responsible and disciplined. At least that's what I'm learning. And I still pray that it will pay off by the time I'm 40 if I can keep it up. :)