And it's not because things aren't happening...maybe it's because things are happening.
Today I feel like making a list.
- I get burnt out on sewing and being productive
- I am learning that I don't know what true love is, nor what true love in regards to the Lord means. What does it mean to feel loved? To know I am loved? To be able to accept that love and return it to the best of my ability? I am bad at being loved and loving. This has to come to an end. (A good end, I might add)
- I need to be open about my past and apply it to my future as testimony and ministry. However, in the act of opening the blind for outsiders to see in my little window...I in turn will have to close and lock the door on my past--never to re-enter. I can't go back to it if everyone knows of it. The thrill (which is a horrible word, I just can't find another one right now) will be lost. However, this will be fantastic closure and the world will be at my fingertips.
- I made my first scrapbookish painting/collage thing that I actually enjoy...it's not glued down yet because I lost a green ribbon. I think it got caught up in a pile of laundry and is now tumbling in the drier. I hope it doesn't shrink...it was the perfect length for the page. Shoot.
- My eyes are green and I was told that through them shines a ministry I can't see but others can. That was an encouraging word.
- I need to loosen up and let the laughter flow.
- Yet sorrow is better than laughter...and this confuses me. Eccl. 7 I believe.
- My future. Needs to be more open and I have an inkling, almost a fearful one, that the foundation lies in my past. But I am struggling to be sincere.
- I might take voice lessons, but I am incredibly scared and embarrassed.
- I just sneezed and strained a muscle in my back.
- I need to "ruminate" in (on?) the Word.
- I have a lovely bedroom with wall art now.
- I keep procrastinating at things and this is avoidance and this avoidance is the manifest of mistrust.
- I need to be more like a tree man. Harold Eberle is a wise guy. And he supports the point I've been subconsciously living by for years. Be like trees. Sit, recieve from the heavens--light, rain, dry spells and give to the people shade, a place to rest, and beautiful colors. Amen brother Harold. Amen.
- This is the end of my list for now...
1 comment:
This is a good list. Lists are always good. Well, usually they are. I haven't blogged in a while either... and I am trying to avoid the fact that it may be because I have a boyfriend. Hmm. I shouldn't let that get in the way. But anyways, I liked this blog a lot. It made me think. I especially liked the part about your ministry that you can't see. You definately have a ministry... even with the bags that you sew and junior high and being a small group leader... God is using you for sure. About that love thing too- I know what you mean. I can't put words on it, but I think I know what you mean. Well, I liked this blog. It made my day better :)
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