I Fibbed.

I need a mundane outlet as well.


So I guess I will keep posting here.

Today it's been rainy and dreary and the day started at 10:30 when my mother woke me up to go shoe shopping. Ugh, shoe shopping. Shopping in general. One of the most depressing, yet pathetically fulfilling things I let myself (quite regularly) do. It seems I am always in between sizes, be it shoes or dresses or bathing suits (which I hardly even want to think about this season at all!) or pants or what have you. I am generally not one of those people who can simply go out and buy something, if I want it to actually fit right and be, as my mom says, "flattering". Nothing ever fits. I think having a short torso in conjunction with stubby legs doesn't help. So neither shirts nor pants fit well and even dresses generally have the waist in the wrong place--for abnormal, unfortunate chicadees such as myself :P

So, shoe shopping, after having spent hours upon hours looking for a dress, on Wednesday, that I need to wear for graduation, we then had to find the perfect shoes.

I still don't have them. But the ones I got will do enough.

The whole deal put me in a positively wretched mood and I was simply tired to boot. My mom nearly called the doctor twice because she thought the bronchitis was coming back and didn't want me to wait until the long weekend was up to get checked on. I talked her out of it...but now I'm wondering if that was a bad idea.

When I got home I kept coughing and I think I bruised my sternum today. It is so sore from the inside and it hurts to take a deep breath. Ugh, I am so tired of all the weather changes and the sicknesses that result. I finally am set on getting healthy and taking better care of myself but I can't even seem to get well.
Maybe it's because I've had this strange craving for everything sweet lately and nothing nutritional. Yes, I am eating massive amounts of food, but none of it is probably doing a lick for me, health wise (: Way to go me. I wish I could cook.


That is one thing on my list this summer.

Find healthy recipes and cook them. Take over the menu, that has consisted of the same items over and over again for years. I want to experience new things and buy the groceries, which I have the means to do now.
That's one thing.


Another is to sew a heck of a lot more. Sew bags, yes, but bags are getting boring (two more orders today though!).
My friend's mom let me take two of her sergers, a JUKI MO-104N babylock (? We aren't sure on that...it doesn't exactly say baby lock on it anywhere...) and a Singer Merritt Lock differential feed 14 U 244. Both aren't exactly in working order at the moment, but I'm going to take them to the sewing place by my mom's shop and see what it'll take to fix them. I'm hoping this works out because I know a serger will make my life so much easier and I will actually want to make the shirts I used to and try out some dresses and maybe some fancy aprons and such. Ohhhh I can't wait. Summer is coming up!
And if the sewing picks up then I won't have to get a job during the summer and then I can just work at the library at State in the fall. I'll still likely apply to the buck.


Another thing I want to work on this summer is messing around with mixed media on canvas. I have a bunch of old scrap fabric that I can't do much with, except make dolls with Shelbi maybe, and it would look rockin on canvis. Barbi also told me about this fabric printing paper that you can print directly onto fabric....like photos or text in neat fonts. I just want to experiment this summer.


With ceramic tiles too. And woodwork.
You see, I need a trunk for the end of my bed--to store extra fabric in it, since I don't have a sewing room and fabric often times eats my space. My dad said he'd teach me how to use his woodworking machines, which I've always wanted to do. Making things like book shelves and tables and even just frames has always been something I've wanted to do. He mentioned today that he was at a contractor's house in Del Mar or something and saw a piece of slab that the man's daugher had put broken tiles into, making a mosaic design, and he'd thought of me and that I should do that. Random thing was I was just thinking about that today when I was looking at one of my favorite coffee cups. So I mentioned making the trunk and he mentioned the tile, so my big project this summer is to make a trunk with my dad, and then decorate the top with ceramic tiles. I'm really excited (: And even if the whole trunk thing doesn't actually end up working out....I'd love a book shelf too, and we've talked about that already and this summer hopefully that will at least happen, then I will have three extra shelves in my closet organizers for other stuff (:

Other than all the aforementioned...
I have a lot going on. I don't even know how to sort it out...I'm just kind of ignoring the elephant in the room and going with the flow of things. With everything.
I kind of just need to re-learn to let everything go. Let God just take care of it. I try to take hold of things and I just break them. All the time. And I learn for a bit, but then I forget and have to learn all over again.

I hope the cycle stops one of these days.

Probably not though, right?

This whole turning into an adult thing is blowing my mind. I feel like I'm still so young. I am, shoot. But expectations are building. I feel like I should be experiencing more things, dating, going places, doing things. But I just like being by myself. Hahaha. Sometimes just the idea of the feeling, the pain of unrequitted love sounds appealing.