Growth...it's a process.

I'm feeling it again. It's bubbling up and I'm bracing myself for the inevitable explosion. When I burst with awe and praise and joy. I'm feeling the growth starting to stir my atrophied bones. I'm praying for a good year. And I think the theme is growth. Eyes unveiled to more lies and a freedom and renewed trust in the Lord. I'm excited. I'm anticipating a lot here. But it's going to be difficult.
It's funny. I was writing on Tuesday and wrote down that I want to grow. I just want more. It's time for a spurt here. It's been too long. I will be forever stunted in physical growth (at 5'1) but I can grow so much in spirit and it's time. Way time.
But I've been learning, during this season where I've kind of been gliding by, watching life move quickly around me. And I'm learning that I love the church. I really do. I love that you see pieces of Jesus in the random people you know at church. You see pieces of the world too...but why focus on the negative? We live in the world. Of course there will be pieces. That doesn't mean we shouldn't go to church and just live in the world though. I'm realizing I need to get all that I can of Jesus. And part of that is people. I love that when I go to church, I see people and just seeing there face...whether it's smiling or crying out to the Lord in anguish for their sons and daughters--for America, it blesses me to see this. I love the church. I love the support I feel. Even when I know what's going on behind the scenes. Even when I know the politics. But guess what, that's family for you. You can't walk away from family. And we shouldn't walk away from the church. But because it's not our blood tying us to our church family (only Jesus's) it's so much easier to get fed up with it and leave. It's not right. It breaks my heart.
I'm learning I love to be busy too. Well, I knew that already. But I'm really solidifying this belief of myself. I love to always be doing something. But not just anything. I love to be learning and spiritually growing and I'm so not a good person when I'm not. I'm not happy, I'm always wishing I were growing spiritually...so why, I ask myself, don't I help myself out and just put myself in learning and growing environments. I love them.
I'm also learning I don't want an ordinary, everday Christian life. I want one that's busy. But busy for Good. Busy learning, growing, and serving the people who don't yet fully know how Good God is and what a blessing He is and how much more enjoyable life is with Him. I cannot seem to stress enough that I know now that I do not want an ordinary life. I do not want a wishy-washy life. I want an exciting life with lots of kids touched, with lots of knowledge stored and live out.
I'm also learning that not everyone loves what I do. That people grow, or don't grow, in different ways. And I'm learning which ways are the most important to me. It's a heart breaking but immensely exciting time.
I'm discovering the resounding truth of John 4...Jesus is tired after baptising a bunch of people and walking and all that jazz. Anyone would be tired. So he lets his disciples go off to get food while he rests...even though he's hungry too. As most people know...he ends up getting an opportunity to talk to this Samaritan woman about God and it's a moving experience. Afterward his disciples come back and offer him food. But he's so jazzed about just getting to talk with the lost woman that he's not even hungry anymore. The Holy Spirit is more fulfilling than earthly food.
I love that if I go to church exhausted, I almost always come back with a smile on my face and a pep to my step. Even if my feet were dragging as I was going. I love that God truly is fulfilling.
And I sooo desire to be passionate. No more apathy or passivity. I just want growth, and whatever it takes to get there.