I've been giving this small group leadership position up to God, going back and forth between wanting to do it, being intimidated, and getting really stoked at the idea! But I still haven't been sure, 100% if I'm supposed to do this. I still don't know for sure if it's going to work out, but I think I need to try to make it work now.
We had senior lounge tonight, where seniors break off into a separate room and eat (Chinese tonight) food and a separate speaker comes to give a special message. I've never met, nor seen this guy before, but he's amazing--Kevin something or other. Anyway, he gave a message about David and Bathsheba and how David should have been at war and fighting a battle instead of at home twidling his thumbs, letting the other guys take care of it, and getting led into temptation. I applied this to my experiences lately. I feel like I could easily sit back at home Thursday nights and not lead a small group, I would have y Sunday night mandatory monthly leadership meeting freed up, not to mention the hours spent on follow up phone calls, preparation for messages, and separate meetings with the adult leader every week. I could let someone else fight this small group leadership battle. Easily. But that would leave me vulnerable to temptation, a lack of accountability, which I so desire and need as well.
Kevin's message was short and sweet, but then he just kind of stopped. Started looking around the small room with about 40ish seniors packing rows of chairs. He stopped at a guy with a red shirt on and started prophesying over him, telling him he'd dream dreams and get visions in his sleep. He started talking again, but stopped again and finally came to me. I was the second or third one, out of only four, to be prophesied over. He said he felt like I was going through something in College. Don't know where I'm going, am kind of confused. But God will use mentors and elders in the church to help guide my plans. That things will be very last minute, but seem to just fall together in the end. God works in just the right amount of time, basically, not too soon and not too late. Also, that I would be a light in this place, that God would fill my mouth with words, and when I open it, I will be surprised at what comes out because they won't be mine, basically, but God's.
I think this was my confirmation for leading this small group. I think the educational setting he meant for me was actually this small group. I think this for several reasons: 1) I have been looking for an older, wise woman to lead me. When I first met Melinda Newkirk (the potential adult leader of the group), I was drawn to her and had thoughts about a mentorship in the future. I would meet with her twice a week and she is going to have to help me greatly and guide me when it comes to this small group, since I haven't done it before. 2) This is all very last minute. I am the only group who still has virtually no one set up, yet slowly, things are working out. I found an apprentice tonight, hopefully and God has seriously layed her on my heart for a while now. Each time I think about small group, she pops in my head. Over the summer I got to know her better and have grown to really love and respect her, which is perfect! Looks like God's been preparing my heart. 3) My one fear about small group is that when I open my mouth my words will not be God's, but my own...and I know my words alone are not sufficient--at all. So knowing that God will be my mouth is extremely encouraging!
Basically tonight was awesome. I'm calling John Hoffman (P.J. hah!) tomorrow to tell him I'm on board if we can get a good day, place, and Melinda is for sure willing to help a lot!
This is working out, it looks like, though there are definitely some things that need to be ironed out still.
God is amazing. And I seriously love prophesy! I want the gift of prophesy! Maybe someday :)
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