Talk, Talk, Talk and So much Listening.

People like to talk about themselves. Or not even themselves, but their life. And what they're going through. Or what they know about someone else. Or an experience of someone else's that they just want to talk about. It's funny. People like to talk. But few take time to Listen.

I suppose it may be because I have grown up listening for so long, that I have decided I don't prefer talking too much. A good deal of the time the words that spout out of people's mouths are hypocritical, vain, or just plain stupid. I'm not trying to be mean here. Observe and you will see yourself. A woman on survivor this season (my family is addicted and when I'm home, it happens that I watch it haha) told a man who wasn't very social, a gravedigger, that if he's forced to have a conversation, to just keep asking people about themselves because people like talking about themselves. It's so true.

Sometimes I listen so much to people that I just can't formulate my own thoughts anymore. Does that ever happen to anyone else? It's like...numbness. You're listening, you can retell to the person what they've just said, but it hasn't had any time to sink in because they just keep going and going. Then they pause, want your thoughts, but you can't deliver because it's just ongoing. Consequently, they keep going because no one likes a pause to let things settle down. We all like business. We all like to fill the space with something.

There are those times that I so desire to get something in edgewise but I can't. There is no room once I come too. Sometimes I would really like people to care. Sometimes I would like to care more. All of the time I would like it to just not be about me. When I make it about me is when the problems arise.

Anyway, I have really seen this lately. How time is filled up with other people's words and little is left for mine. It doesn't matter or hurt my feelings so much because I do actually like to listen. It is possible for me to just listen. I do things like this to release. I write, I sing, I draw, I paint, I swim...and I pray.

I've been thinking about this and, as well, thinking of the reasons why it is so necessary to worship God and trying to formulate it into a way I can clearly understand it. On one hand I know why I worship the Lord, he is always faithful and always so good to me. On the other hand, he is the Lord and I have this picture of a humble Jesus in my mind that doesn't need my halfhearted praise. For real, what is man that the Lord cares for me...I'm like a breath; my days are fleeting (Psalm 144: 3-4)...I am insignificant. He doesn't need me.

Yet he does care. Though I don't deserve Him too. And I do come to him in prayer. And it is mostly petition. Lord, help me with this...Lord come touch me here. Lord be with me, strengthen me, sustain me, change me, be everything and more...to me. I ask, I vent, I pray, I petition, I talk and talk and talk and talk and talk some more to the Lord...and he never grows weary of listening. He never stops listening. Because he can listen forever. And what's more, his feelings don't get hurt. But how good does he feel when we stop. When I stop and just realize...Wow. How good are You, Lord? How amazing are You? Praise Your name Lord. You are bigger and better than anything. You are Everything. Words cannot begin to express how amazing You are! I cannot tell You enough how Great You are! But just because I can't put it into words...just because I can't say it enough...does that mean that I don't say it at all? No. That means I do all that I can to get my point across because He deserves it! Like no other.

He listens to us all day long, filling up space with talk, talk, talk. Pointless sometimes. Drama other times. Hypocritical the rest of the time. Yet he still listens, he still listens. And we talk and talk and drown Him out. The poor guy is here with us and we're talking and venting and we are not being the good Friend who let's him get a word in edgewise. We are, probably, one of the worst friends to Him because we expect Him to just listen. But he doesn't want to just listen anymore than you or I want to just listen all the time. He wants to give His thoughts too. He wants to tell us about Himself and the plans He has for us too and what's going on in His day and where we can help Him...by stepping out in faith and talking to someone, or praying for something that hasn't yet crossed our mind and won't until we stop talking for a second and listen.

Listening like this can be so hard. I realize that I can listen endlessly to a person talking, physically, to me. But listening to God...being silent and still before Him is just harder. Not filling that silence is difficult.

I don't know why I wrote this. I don't know why I've been thinking about this more lately. I think it's because I've been talking a lot to God about myself lately and not so much about the important things, like my family, friends, small group, jr. high group, etc. It's been a lot of me talking about myself and little time talking on behalf of others. So, I think I really need to change that. And it's going to start now...

-cday