Dry

I feel completely creatively dry. I can't even write. I have no energy to write. To think about creative things. I have no motivation to pick up a pen and write when I'm sitting on the patio, watching the humming birds, listening to the wind chimes, and reciting potentially intriguing sentences about said things, in my head. I think about it. But I lie back down and relax into myself and revel in my deep, slightly depressing, and disturbing thoughts and I can't write about it. Because writing about it means sorting it out. And finalizing the truth. And I'm not making sense. But holy crap. This has been an intense week. So many conversations with people and insight into friends' lives that I don't know I really wanted to know...but know I needed to. Because I do live in this world and I need to know how to manage. And how other people don't do that so well. And how I can hopefully learn without experiencing.
I'm stressed out. I'm slacking on my devotions. I know I would be less stressed if I did my devotions. If I spent more time praying. Yet I don't. Because I have no motivation. Well, some. But not a lot. So I pray and that's all and I know that it's not a one way street.
My stomach has been funny lately. Food hasn't been sitting well. There has just been so much going on. And I'm not even at home for another week. And this dog that I'm watching has decided to start hating me. Because I mean that his mom and dad are gone. To him, I abduct his parents. So he gives me lots of presents. Except not the good kind. Just little surprises on the carpet whenever I leave and come home. Or in the morning. And he barks in the middle of the night at me. And licks my face when I'm sleeping. It's lovely.
My life seems bad from this post. But it's really not. It's exciting and different and it's not perfect. But I'm still loving it. A lot. Nothing is ever perfect. I'm not. I never have been. People aren't. Obviously.
Ayeee yi yi. I just wanted to write something, anything. To see what happened.
I'm just in a bad mood because I'm stuck here with no food that's satisfying and keep getting sick. And because I miss being able to creatively flow through life. And I miss Matt. And I miss Jesus. And I miss singing and writing songs and I sooo want my guitar right now. And my camera. And to not be stuck here with this dog that doesn't even like me right now. Maybe I'll go for a walk. Talk to God. But I forgot my walking shoes....