I need a job. A real one now, I think. I don't have the motivation, at home, to sew a lot and then sell. It's not happening. Therefore, I applied at Starbucks yesterday. Not sure how that's going to turn out. I wasn't having any great feelings about it when I dropped off my application.
I went to Jamba Juice next and as soon as I walked in I got a good feeling. I hadn't even gone there to get an application. I just wanted a drink. So, we'll see. I'm turning that in today and everyone working seemed 
enthused about it (: I'll also stop by Old Navy and grab an app. there too. And maybe Bath and Body. Who knows.
Santana's graduation was last night and I went. In the slightly sweltering heat. I now have the slightest hint of a farmer's tan. ( : It was great to see everyone one last time. It's weird that I will definitely never see some of them again. And others I will keep in contact with, though things have changed.
How can a heart be so happy, yet so sad, and yet feel like it's really not letting itself feel
at all?
I don't know.
There were some surprises at this graduation. Not so much good ones. I didn't get to see everyone that I thought I would. And part of me knows why but doesn't want to believe it. Part of me keeps reading and re-reading the program over and over again, searching, eyes tearing into the paper, burning names into it in purple ink. Nothing. It's the same everytime.
Just like opening the refrigerator, after having just looked 10 minutes ago. Still hungry, still wanting that satisfying feeling, but still there is nothing new in there. Nothing you haven't already seen. Nothing that evokes the kind of feelings you wanted to be evoked.
Eh.
The world spins madly on.
And it'll keep spinning no matter what.
For me, for you.
No matter where life, God, you, take yourself.
But I hope it's somewhere good.
I hope it's somewhere you're supposed to be.
I hope you let yourself live the life that's waiting for you.
6.06.2008
Job Searching
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2 comments:
i completely understand how you feel about the whole no emotion thing. i'm soooo extremely excited. but then again, it's very depressing. i'm stoked about biola, but that means leaving everyone behind. and leaving the life i've always lived. and the life i'm used to living. and not seeing people who are either staying in san diego or who are going away to far and away places. and for me, it doesn't even feel like i've graduated yet. it hasn't hit. i think just because i've been so busy i haven't had time to think about it. but i know that as that august date comes closer, it'll be harder. my sister said it didn't hit her until my parents drove off and she was left standing outside of her dorm room when she first moved in. life is funny sometimes. it brings about changes. and phases. some that are good, some that are just different. and some that i know i must go through. we just have to have the courage and will power to go through those changes. just like how god throws challenges one's way so we could learn something through it all. i don't know. now i'm just rambling. anyhow, i just realized this was super long. sorry. haha.
Ahaha Oh Sarah, I am the QUEEN of long comments (:
And I don't know if it will ever hit for me. I think I'll have the mindset that I'm a little 16 year old forever.
Plus, I'm not even going away to college. I'm still living with my parents, I still don't even have a job, I still can't support myself very well...so I guess to me not much is changing. I'm just going to a different school up the street a bit farther. But I know things are changing. It's just the next step. And I like that it's gradual and God never gives us more than we can handle. I never thought I'd be able to handle this. But now here I am and it's no big deal. Hahhh. He's Good like that I guess (:
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