Draw Near and Hear Overview

Hey all,
A quick update of my Draw Near and Hear experience:

I had people prophesy over me that I am entering into/already have my foot in the door to a place of rest with the Lord. The man praying over me said he invisioned a featherbed. I know I am already experiencing this. The night before I had been frustrated with the Lord for not physically being present and not revealing things to me regarding my spiritual gifts, etc. He brought up 1 Chronicles 22...which was perfect beyond measure and beyond coincidence. The same couple praying over me brought up teaching and that they were receiving from God that I should teach young people. Wow. In just the last month I've let go of that idea and entered into editing/publishing but now the Lord is telling me he liked my first plan better? I kept doubting it, so I changed my career pathway. But maybe teaching is what I'm supposed to do. They said my spiritual gift is discernment, which I know I have had, yet I've been missing the reality that it is of the spiritual realm. So that was uplifting. The next couple who prayed over me kept saying there will be power coming from my mouth, and that a new sense of creativity will spring forth from me; that I need to protect myself, because I'm powerful. And to know that my heart is, indeed, aligned with the Lord's even if I don't think so a lot of the time (which is true). And he delights in that. That he's proud of me. They held truth as well. I have a real hard time with thinking the Lord is ever proud of me. That I delight him. I have a better time just serving him and doing what he says but not thinking that I am actually making him smile, making him happy. I guess that's not much of a relationship the way I had been thinking about it. So, that was, as well, really good.
Tonight Bill Wilson spoke and that man is amaaaazing. I decided to really step out, commit three years of my life to the jr. high girl's small group ministry tonight. It'll be time consuming, it'll make me feel more stressed and strung thin...but it doesn't matter how I feel. Bill said, "The ability to Finish is only acheived when your commitment is stronger than your emotions". The Lord didn't feel like dying for us...it hurt him. But he was commited. This commitment I am going to make is so much smaller, and it will bless me and I will bless those girls, God willing :) . This will be a good time. And I will be at rest, too.
Jesse reminded me tonight that I'm only seventeen, I have a lot of life left to live and I can't let myself be discouraged because I don't have all kinds of spiritual experience yet. I just officially started going to Foothills six months ago for Heaven's sake...I'm doing fine. But I'm not satisfied. I want more. Still. And it's an exciting ride.

Making Plans

Life has been a little unsettled lately--nothing major or bad...just, changing, again. In the next few days I have to make a decision about some commitments, in terms of school and ministry opportunities, that will shape the next year of my life-dun, dun, dun. No, I'm actually excited and prayyyying that tonight God will reveal his plan for the next year as well as some other things I've had on my heart for a bit now. At Foothills they are holding a three day conference, starting off tonight, called "Draw Near and Hear". Basically it's an intense time of worship and opportunity for us, as there will be many people with prophetic spiritual gifts, there to pray over us and talk with us. I've never been and I don't know the details yet, but I hear it's intense and the Holy Spirit will without doubt be very real and present. I'm anxious and excited and hopeful all at the same time!
This has truly been a month of spiritual growth and I am so loving it and feeling so much closer to the Lord it's amazing. In the next few days I really pray I take more leaps of faith and step out and praise the Lord.
Alright, more updating later! Happy Friday? :P

College Trip to San Francisco

Alright, so I got back from the College Trip last night and wow, I was not expecting it to be some amazing religious experience/revelation. But I feel like I completely grew in faith and character as a result of going.

I don't know if I have time or want to disclose here everything that happened in my head and heart but I'll still write and post losts of pictures. Overall it was a really fun and exciting time! I haven't really been to a big city or anywhere, really, like Santa Cruz/San Francisco and the surrounding areas.


But first, let's start with Saturday.

Saturday:

I got done packing and went to went to Barnes & Noble to get a good book, because I love to read on vacations. After searching and searching I finally found a book my mentor, Jenny, had suggested, Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. Then I went to church with my mom for the Saturday evening service instead of the Junior/Senior prom at the Bahia. Pastor Mark gave an amazing sermon about accepting the places God puts you in. Accepting the negative circumstances that result in disobedience, yet still allowing God to bless you in these times. The message just filled me up and gave me peace about my trip...like a good meal before leaving for a journey. I knew this trip would be interesting, I didn't know if I would be any good at protecting my time and devotions with the Lord for three days. I really needed some encouragment and I got it!

Sunday:
I woke up around 5:30, got ready, and headed to the airport with my dad. I've only been on a plane two other times, so I'm not airport or take-off savvy and I was a bit nervous about the flight, I'll have to say. But the take off and then landing was perfect so I really had nothing to worry about. The view was stellar and I liked it a lot.

When we arrived in San Jose we drove to Monterey to visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium which was pretty fun! It was really nice of Stephanie to plan little fun excursions here and there besides colleges. After about two hours, give or take a bit, we got to our hotel and I have to say I was a bit nervous at the area and real appearance of the hotel...it was really small. But everything worked out fine and I honestly enjoyed it a lot! About a minute from the hotel was the beach:

and then the board walk, with two or three roller coasters, bumper cars, miniature golf, and various places to eat and shop. We ate dinner at this little hole in the wall Mexican place...and I, for one, forgot we were in more of Northern California and quite a ways from the border. In other words, I didn't think anything was amazing and our rolled tacos frankly bit the big one. But Flick got a lot of burrito for his money:

Then we went shopping, I bought a Santa Cruz sweatshirt and Flick bought a Wilson volleyball with the Wilson handprint from Castaway on it. We went to the courts and messed around. I have to say I have not laughed so hard for a while. It was quite a work out and I was so tired.

But after telling everyone else how much fun it was, they all wanted to go for a late night session. We ended up staying down at the beach from around 6:00 till exactly 10:00 (our curfew) playing volleyball. The next morning y forearms were bruised. I haven't played vball since freshman year...ouch!

So after we got back to the hotel Stephanie came in andmade sure we were back from la playa and then told us lights out at 11:00, but until then we could do whatever we wanted on the premises, as long as we were behaved and quite--as there were actually other guests probably trying to sleep, though I'm not sure many kids got that :P

A group of the guys and girls all went upstairs to one of the girl's rooms to have a "dance party"...and I don't know what the heck they were doing but it sounded like elephants up there!! I opted out and decided to stay in the room Kayla and I shared to protect my time with the Lord. I have to say that was one of the best times I've had in my devotions and it was so much better than seeing some of the guys from class put on girls' pants and girls' bathing suit tops, though I'm sure that was hilarious :P haha.

After 11:00 when the girls came back in we had some interesting conversations to say the least and I got to know Amanda and Kayla even more than I already know them which was awesome too!

Monday:

I woke up around 7:00 to Stephanie's wake-up call and we all piled on the bus and went to Berkley and San Francisco State University.

I realized at Berkley that I really don't like the city at all. It drives me nuts and it's dirty and I just don't care for it whatsoever. But as I was walking through it, sickened by the people and the filth, I was kind of caught by this question: "Would you go here if I asked you to. They need help, too." Ouch. I got scared. The idea of me, a Christian conservative little girl, going up to this guy or that woman, with a completely liberal mindset was so frightening. But could I do it? Would I do it? I guess I would. But Lord, I'd rather not. And it wasn't like I felt him telling me to go to Berkley. It was just that I was walking through Telegraph Street completely disgusted and wanting to leave and reality hit causing me to see that those were still God's children and those people still needed him, they were still lost and he still cared and what right did I have completely bashing the place.

We got lost miserably on our way to San Francisco State University. The tension on the bus was high and I read a lot.

We also visited Santa Cruz University the next day, as well as San Jose State. Or something like that...it's been a week or so since we've been back and the facts are getting jumbled.

Anyway, to wrap this thing up, all in all I had some of the best times with the Lord. Just hanging out with him and realizing that he used to hang out by himself and pray also, when his friends were doing other things. On Tuesday morning I was up around 4 or 5 o'clock, took a shower, got ready, then just sat outside and it was...profound. Just sitting in the quiet. I hadn't gotten quiet for days. And I haven't gotten that quiet since...maybe December when we had "quiet times" at camp. It was just good to sit there, listening to the birds and taking in the ambience the morning offers; the stillness and God's grace and majesty. That's probably mushy. But c'mon...it's a great time of day and all too often I miss it.

On our way home I was freaking out a little bit. The plane was going in a circle and not going...well, up. That's what I thought it was supposed to do. I wasn't visibly freaking out...no, that's not me. But I was freaking out on the inside :) So I'm sitting in my seat, no one's sitting by me because everyone ditched me :) and I start thinking, Lord I don't want to go home yet, I really don't. There's too much to do, just...and then I swear to you he interjected: Are my Hands not big enough to carry you? Woa. Alright, touche. You win...whatever you want God. If I die I die, if I live, thank you :) You are enough. Then, the sunset that followed was AMAZING!! What a perfect way to end two great days of closeness with the Lord away from home. And it wasn't like I was at camp. It was just up the street...kind of :P. Anyway, that's my tale of our trip to San Francisco and what it meant to me. It was a pretty good experience, all in all.

Sorry if I repeated stuff, I wrote this in two non-consecutive sittings haha.

The Blind Man

You know those days when you just know it's going to be one of those days? Well, I had one of those days today. I woke up late, around 7:30 and rushed to get ready for my first class, which is swim, at Grossmont College. I'm driving there thinking, well, I'm late, yes, but I really am in the mood to swim. The weather was beautiful this morning and I haven't worked out in about two weeks. I was missing it! And getting pumped to go swim and exercise. So, I get to the pool and Larry tells me, there's good news and bad news: The good news, you get double work-out points today. The bad news: If you swim, you'll turn green. I guess yesterday they put too much chlorine in the pool and that meant no swimming. Fantastic. So I got in my car and drove home. I took my time getting ready, hoping I'd have time to do some devotions, but the time went so fast and I was, again, rushing out the door. Then, on my way out, my water bottle dropped and rolled down the driveway...and again...misfortune. I pull up to Santana for my chem class and realize the kids aren't outside at break like they out to be on a Tuesday class. Oh wait, that's because it's Thursday...block day...earlier start time. I'm 20 minutes late for chem. And, to top it off, we had a lab that I got to do all by myself because my partner, Matt, wasn't there. Perfect!
Then I go to Middle College and realize Kayla's not there and there is major drama going on, again, regarding the college trip. Now I tried my hardest today to keep my mouth shut and I don't think anyone realizes how entirely hard it was to not bite everyone's head off and tell them what I thought of everything. The drama that's going on is stupid. The students are asking for respect and fairness when Stephanie and Sue, the adult supervisors, laid down the law in the first place and the kids broke it. The kids disrespected their authority yet are demanding that they be treated with more respect, fairness, and tolerance? Something is wrong with that picture!! And yet, a lot of these kids are blind to this fact.
I was basically fuming when I left Middle College. Nearly wanting to cry because Stephanie and Sue jumped through hoops to accomodate us and do things in our best interest on the trip. Yet they got no appreciation, little thanks. Instead they got to feel crappy about the whole thing. They know people are talking about them negatively behind their backs and Stephanie knows she came across as the bad guy. Yet someone had to be the leader. And you know why? Because that's how life is. But man, don't we always crucify the leader. Literally and figuratively. Jesus tried to lead the blind and they crucified him. Stephanie tried to lay down the law and now she's getting injustly beat up for trying "to be a good mom", as she put it.
I sat down in my car before my next class and just vented to the Lord. It helped a little. I started reading my Bible and lo-and-behold this is what verse I happened upon: "...'Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher'," Luke 6:29-40. Before I read that I had this question pop up in my mind: Does a man who has vision and can see describe the trees, the ocean, the beauty of nature, to a blind man, whose perception of the world is so much different and so far from the true reality due to darkness? Just now I read my daily bible verse that Google so kindly supplies on my homepage for me and read what it said: ""If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over,” Matthew 18:15. I know the kids weren't sinning against me. But I'm offended, frankly, and I really wish I could win them over and help them to see that no matter what the case is, Stephanie and Sue were our authority on the trip and we all really needed to just respect and submit to them. Even if it cost us a little bit of fun here and there. Right now, I'm not having to much fun mulling this over. Right now I'm feeling guilty on behalf of everyone for the ways they're hurting other people who honestly just wanted us to experience colleges and give us a nice gift. I guess I just need to let the whole thing go...But it really really hurts my heart and I really have a burden about the whole situation. But honestly, I learned a whole lot. I learned that I can not be "cool" to people if I'm going to really be a Christian. That means I will be alone in life. I will sit alone in my hotel room and do my devotions. I will keep my mouth shut and disappear when people are bagging on other people. Or, I will write something like this post, which goes against the grain of other people's lives and maybe start some fires here and there. But honestly, I'm just passionate. And my heart hurts. For Stephanie and Sue, and for the kids. I love everyone and just really want their eyes to be opened, in the end. For them to come out of this learning something about being kind to people. A smile, a thank you, a hug. They all go a really long way. But so do biting words and harsh looks.

Where I've Been...

Hey guys, I haven't posted in a few days, and I still don't have too much to say right now, but I figured I'd post some pictures from the past week or so.
These are the painting stages of Connor's room...
Peeling the remnants of wall paper off the walls and getting all the stickers off the walls and furniture was not fun...But once we got the Golden Gate pait on the walls and the primer for the back wall on, things were looking up!
I love the final result...

And, I finally found that perfect comforter I've been looking for! Before it was boring denim and I felt like a boy...haha...but I love this new one!

And I also got a new night stand, which can fit a lamp, so when I'm reading at night I can actually see!
Last Friday I missed Small Group again...which I really didn't want to do, but already comitted to dogsitting for this cute little puppy, Jack.

His family went to Knottsberry Farm for the night and the pup couldn't stay home so long by himself :) Lucky me...I got to hang out with a cute lil puppy and even got paid! Now that's what I'm talking about.

Then on Saturday I slept in, and when I woke up my parents and brother decided they wanted to go to Sea World. We bought year-long passes, so this summer when I have Connor all day we can go hang out there instead of sit around at home.

It was pretty crowded, but we still had fun...and Connor and Mom really loved the ride Atlantis. I have to say...I'm just not a roller coaster kind of girl. So my dad and I went and saw a show.
Anyway, this week was pretty busy. Tuesday was long, but the message Jeremy Miller gave at High School group really got to me. It was about having a sober spirit...more on that later, probably.

On Wednesday though, there was an event called One held at my old church, El Cajon Weslyan. After class I went straight to help out at Higher Ground, Jenny was there, so we meant to mentor at Starbucks afterward, then I went straight to the church to pick up Jesse and Nicole. Aaron Moreno who is in his 20's and one of our four adult leaders at higher ground, was there with Sam and ended up riding with me to the event since he didn't know where ECWC was. Aaron wasn't sure what the whole thing was about and was kind of stressed, thinking maybe he shouldn't go...he'd stand out too much since he was soooo old. Sam wanted me to stop the car and let him out on Greenfield to walk to his house. I locked the doors and told them all there wasn't an age limit on worshipping the Lord. Both the guys ended up being really moved, praying for high schoolers, and totally pumped up. Aaron kept saying, "Man, this is deep stuff..." It was great to hang out with some awesome people and be back on my old stompin' ground. Pastor Lisa is soooo pregnant, it's insane! And Tanya is so close to getting engaged...I'm so happy for her :) But anyway, this weekend I'm heading to San Fransisco to visit some colleges. Kayla, Amanda and I are going to have some serious fun rooming with eachother!! Then Kayla can decide if she really wants to live with me when we go to SDSU together hah!

Consumed

[Kayla, these were my "thoughts" from class today...]

I was getting ready this morning and thinking about some conversations I'd had with people lately regarding annoyances and people who did things that were annoying. I think God has given me a greater tolerance in the past year for things that annoy me...I used to have little compassion/patience/understanding for "stupid" people who did "stupid" things. Still, smacking gum is a major pet peeve of mine! That's not the point of this post though, thankfully.
I then started thinking about myself, and how, or in which ways, I seem annoying to other people. Im not other people, so I can't answer that, obviously. But, how and when do other people annoy me? I thought of my brother, firstly. He's completely consumed with R.C. cars right now. Before that it was baseball cards, motorcycles, then skateboarding, etc. Every word out of this kids mouth has been about R.C. cars for months now. I don't care about them, yet for some reason he doesn't seem to care that I don't care! He still talks my ear off about them. Finally he got me to try one out--they're actually kind of fun and do actually take a lot of skill to drive and keep running.
Another annoyance is people, usually women, occassionally men, who are always so consumed with weight, dieting, and being thin or fit. I used to be that person--it wasn't who I wanted to be or what message I wanted to tell the world, so I've been trying really hard to stop being so obsessed by working out a lot, eating nothing, and getting too thin. I just want to be healthy. Now. Yet, while I was obsessed, I would point out every calorie in every morsel of food I'd eat--people noticed. During this time I was hanging out, mainly, with a lot of guys. I even saw my obsession rubbing off on them. Some of them became, even if just slightly, more aware of their weight and their food consumption. But only because I brought it up all the time. Annoying!
Another annoyance is when someone, especially one of my friends or cousins, is in a relationship and all they talk about is their significant other and the realllly amazing things that are going on in their relationship. Sometimes it's uplifting to hear, and it gives me a hope for the future. But sometimes it just makes me want to throw away all my convictions to not date in high school and to seriously wait until I find the guy I could really see myself marrying. After I see or hear about great relationships, sometimes I just want to go pounce on (figuratively) the first guy who pays attention to me and, in terms of ministry and Godliness, looks good on paper.
So what's my real point to this post? Well, our obsessions, what we're consumed with, rub off on the people we surround ourselves with--whether we like it or not. It's an unconscious effort. Yet, through all our obsessions with materialism, physical appearance, and the need for physical and emotional affirmation from peers, we are making idols. If we obsess over R.C. cars--it's an idol. If we obsess over dieting--it's an idol. If we obsess over relationships and can not be alone--the relationship becomes an idol. And when we idolize these things we're preaching about them to the world, to people who need to hear the real truth. We're teaching people to worship our idols when we shouldn't even have them as it is. And it's not necessarily a conscious thing. But that does not mean that it does not happen. It does!
We were created to, and should, be completely consumed and outrightly obsessed with God.
If we were to turn all our mind--instead of learning so much about R.C. cars; our strength, instead of obsessing over going to the gym; our heart, instead of giving it away to relationships that won't last, over to God and use all these aspects of ourselves to delve into and study his Word, his Laws, and not the laws of mechanics of recreational toys, the laws of dieting, or the laws of romantic chemistry--what a different life we would lead! And what a different message we would send to the world. By just being ourselves, then, we would be great witnesses to those around us, 24/7. But until we really wrap our minds around this--I know I haven't been able to fully, we will continue to rub off on our friends and family and influence them to start participating in idolatry. Our actions and obsessions, whether they're good and Godly or not so good at all, don't just effect ourselves, but others as well. And, if as a Christian, our purpose is the further the Kingdom of God, then we have some serious renovating of the heart to do. Or, atleast, I know I do.

Basically I know everyone's most likely heard all of that before--I have many times in some way or another. I know I need to be reminded of it, and was this morning as it all just came to me in a nice little package of personal experiences and testimony.

Anyway, I still really want to post about what God's been revealing to me about the role my parents play in my life and what other people's parents play in their life, if necessary. Another day...

Oh, and please comment if you disagree or would like to refute any of my ideas, beliefs, and thoughts. As I write I often think the Lord reveals more to me, but he also uses other people to help lead and explain things more effectively. So let me know!

God Bless

College Plans

Life is falling into place my friends...faster than I expected...but it's really great. As soon as I really let go of it all, God started opening doors!

I intern at Pepper Drive Elementary School, and the fifth graders (My little brother included) were going on a field trip to SDSU. To get hours, and to see another campus, I decided to tag along. My mom ended up going also, which was fun! Anyhow, going on the trip I wasn't really expecting a change of heart: I didn't want to go to SDSU. I wanted to go to a Christian college.

Well, walking through the campus I was amazed, not only do they have three Starbucks locations on campus, but it's amazing. It's tidy, up to date...just really awesome! My parents have wanted me to go there from the beginning. I've never been slightly enthused. Now I am! My mom said, "This is a campus I can see you on". In other words, she got good vibes. My dad even called half way through the tour to ask how it was going and if I liked the school. As the tour went on I kept seeing myself sitting at the numerous available places to study. They have really nice grass areas. And they have a peaceful little fountain surrounded by trees, flowers, and bushes from all over the world in a courtyard area. This place happens to be right across from the Library, which is where I'll be working. You see, my mom already has a job set up for me there! She also might have a place for me to live. And not in my own house. She has a client named Alice, who was a neighbor of Andrea Sims when she was growing up. Alice is a conservative Christain widow with a 5-6 bedroom, two bathroom house who lives right next to the college. She's never opened her house up to college students to rent rooms because, as my mom put it, she has strict ground rules, "No guests, no cussing, NO drinking. What college student does that?!" I got excited and started smiling, Me! Me! Me! Oh, here's another kicker: Alice's son is the head honcho director of the SDSU Library, which is the pictures of the white building to the left. He's the guy who hires all the student employees and Alice has already talked to him about "Sharon's daughter". Apparently there's no need for experience for people he knows will be reliable. I can be reliable. If this all pans out, wow. We'll see, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm only human...

As schooling and college is going right now at Grossont, well they're going really well. Today I picked out classes for next semester with Stephanie, the school counselor. I'm taking all transferable classes, as I'm basically done with High School except PE, so I'm taking Bio, Math, Ceramics (maybe), and yoga next semester. Then for summer school I'm taking a weight training class at Cuyamaca and an online History class. I'm really stoked! Things are looking up :) I'll have a semester under my belt when I go to SDSU which will be awesome. And now that I'm fairly certain I'll major in English no matter what, I'll be taking a lot of English courses for General Ed also, which is why the Ceramics class may change. Anyhow, that's my life these past few days.

Another ironic thing I'll write about in my post or so, is what God's been revealing to me about the importance of leadership and parents. Funny that I'm getting this when I may be getting ready to think about moving out in the next year and I've never thought that was a possibility before, really.

I want More...

Lately I've been feeling God's works in my life. This is true. I've felt doors opening and closing and wisdom seeping into my life through situations and great Godly counselors. Yet...I want more. I want to feel like I did at camp. Abandoned to His love. Experiencing the Holy Spirit so powerfully I can't think about the worries of my day, I can't speak about my short comings, I can't stand on my own two feet. I just want to feel the presence of God in a bigger way in my life.
During a song in worship tonight we were sing "Come Lord Jesus Come...Holy Spirit Come" and I was crying out, I was trying my hardest to press in, be open and not let the people in the room distract me from my time with the Lord. Then I was asking, "Lord, why are hiding from me, why are you hiding your face? Come for me, deliver me here...I know I've made mistakes, but send me your Spirit..." Then, for some reason, I felt like the wait wasn't over. God made the Israelites wait years and years under their conquerers after they "forgot" God. I realize there was a time when I forgot God, there are many times in my single days that I forget God. The wait is not over. I think I need to prove to myself, to God, that I'm for real. That I will not let the things of this world conquer me. That I will not turn to earthly relationships for affirmation, or materialism for earthly gain. I need to continue to press in, through this desert time. Though there may be only the now regular mana to eat on my journey, where I'm at and what I'm taking in, it's a miracle still. And greater things are ahead if I just keep pressing on, keep rising up. Even in the desert, I have to keep walking. And I think God is slowly making this more clear.
Better things are coming...and I'll keep pressing on...because I want so much more.

Rainy Days

Alright, so this morning was great. I don't even know why. It was just amazing. I was driving to class, in the drizzle, thinking Today I am at peace with life! Then I immediately thought about all the things I had to do when I got home: Like clean the kitchen and my room. But hey, guess what, who cares? It'll get done and the world will keep on spinning.
My day was great.

I woke up a little late, got ready, and was off to Pepper Drive to intern for Mrs. MacIntosh, my old third grade teacher who I've kept contact with throughout the years. I'm going on a trip to San Francisco to visit some colleges (which I'm honestly not entirely interested in...but still want to go hah). Mrs. MacIntosh brought me a cute little carry on bag for the plane since I don't have one. How awesome is she? But in her class there's two particular kids right now, Dylan and Matthew and I seriously can't take them! They're too stinkin cute. That's beside the point though. I did my regular routine of grading multiplication tests, and then left for chemistry in an oddly chipper mood. Then I realized I'm always like that when I leave Pepper Drive. But do I really want to pursue being a teacher? I'm still not sure.
Tonight I got home and relieved my parents from watching Connor. It's their 23 or 24th wedding anniversary so they went out to breakfast this morning, and dinner tonight. While they were out I helped Connor with a research project on the liver that's due sometime next week. He better get an A+ man. Then we went in the garage and I got some canvases down from my closet and we painted for...hours. The time flew! It was so fun :) My painting, I'm afraid to say, is just not great. I lacked the vision while beginning and, well, it's just blah. Connor's is, of course, great. He painted a bowl of peanuts. Still, I have rekindled a passion and I'm so glad :)
Really great day...and, to top it off, I got the news late last night that Mrs. DeBarrows recieved the best report possible after her surgery...praise God or what? The best report possible? Are you kidding me right now...If that's not a God thing I don't know what is!

I also rediscovered Jars of Clay...love them!

Mrs. DeBarrows

So, I don't know why I haven't posted this...perhaps I already have but I just don't think so.

Mrs. DeBarrows was my old middle school P.E. teacher. I remember when I had her for homeroom in 6th grade. I was soooo scared! The lady is intimidating to say the least. However, as time progressed I really grew to love her! She's one of those women who has this intense strong-front about her, but when you break it down and crack her tough shell and make her laugh hysterically, you feel accomplished in life! Oh, and when you mention bumblebees too. She freaks. It's great.

Anyway, during spring break I heard the unfortunate news that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her husband, who wasn't fully in the picture all time anyway and there's a lot more where that story comes from, died just last year. Now, she's a single mom with a daughter in college and son who's my age as well. I was so broken for her. But I've been continually praying for her to see God's love for her through all these trials.

I've also been praying a lot for Mrs. Rolf, who lost her best friend to cancer around two years ago, then helped Mrs. D through her husband's death, and now is faithfully by Mrs. DeBarrow's side through her breast cancer. What an inspiration Mrs. Rolf is though, really. How she's hanging in there and giving a lot out of herself to help her friends. I love that woman!

Anyway, today was Mrs. DeBarrow's surgery, a double mastectomy I believe. I haven't heard any word yet...but I've been praying for her at random times throughout my day and I can't wait to hear the news that she's okay and they got all the cancer. She'll be back full swing soon enough. Just in time for my brother to enter middle school :) A little tough love to keep that kid in line wouldn't do a bit of harm haha. At any rate, keep Mrs. DeBarrows in your prayers if you know her or just feel led to. She's an amazing woman and I have faith the Lord is being her Rock and softening her heart even more through this...I'm praying for that at least.

Higher Ground and Relationships

Alright, so I did it! I gave my testimony at Higher Ground and, well, I was probably less than eloquent, but it happens to the best of them and for my first time speaking it was alright. I based what I had to say on Matthew 7:7, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you", which has kind of been the theme of my life lately. Basically I told the group that I haven't done anything awful in my life...the Lord didn't save me from drugs and alcohol but he's showed me a lot of things in my short little life. When I was at El Cajon Weslyan, after a while, I was feeling like I was just going to church because my parents went there. I didn't feel "the Spirit" as one of the cutest little girls said today. Plus I didn't have any friends to hold me up or encourage me at ECWC. So there I was asking the Lord to strengthen my relationship with him, to give me great Godly friends, and to bless me gosh darn it. But I wasn't seeking him. I wasn't reading my Bible. I even stopped going to church for a while. And when I was asking, I wasn't believing he would do it. Then, slightly randomly, I visited Foothills one night and met one of my now best friends, Allie Hansen. The moment I stepped out in faith, by myself, got out of my comfort zone, and started seeking, the Lord worked. It was amazing. And it still never ceases to amaze me.

Anyway, the kids had lots of questions, but still seemed kind of disappointed I hadn't dealt with alcohol, drugs, and sex. Aaron, a fellow leader, stepped in to help me there by saying not everyone has to go through those kinds of things and just because they didn't doesn't mean their testimony is any more or less than another person's. God has blessed me with not having to deal with the things the kids had expected.

Well, all in all it was a good experience and God gave me a real sense of peace while speaking to the group, which I had been praying for all day! But honestly I feel kind of like it was my initiation into the leader group. Well, it just went well and that's all.

Afterward Jenny and I finally got to ee again at Starbucks. We talked mainly about guys and relationships and how I've been feeling pressured lately to go back on my plan of not dating/being in a relationship in high school. Well, I'm not so much feeling an emotional attack. I know I'm not ready for a relationship and I know it's not God's plan right now at all. And I'm completely at peace with that. It's just it seems like outside sources are pressuring me in swarms lately and I needed some reassurance and advice on how to let people down and deal with everything. I told Jenny that I just feel like God's saying, "Yea, there's all these people who are trying to pursue you...but they don't even know you like I know you. Pursue me. I'm worth it. Be faithful to me first." I'm trying to do the best I can right now and I'm going to keep working on it despite all the obstacles.

Higher Ground

So I finally got a chance to catch my mentor, Jenny Shaw, tonight at High School group. She's been in Mexico on vacation and a missions trip for the past two weeks and then the week before that she went to see Delirious...so we haven't gotten together in a while. But it's been fine. I think God's been teaching me to lean on him in times of trouble instead of other people. People, Jenny included, are really great too. But the Lord is the Ultimate.
Anyhow, why I'm updating:
Tomorrow at Higher Ground I'm giving my testimony. All the leaders have given theirs so far and now it's my turn. Here's the catch: Jenny told me tonight. Superrr. It's my life, so it shouldn't be that difficult. But I'm not the greatest speaker at all so pray that God will speak through and for me tomorrow to reach the kids in a way I uniquely can, as I'm closer to all their age groups than any of the other leaders! Still, middle schoolers can be vicious...haha I'm nervous...this is lame. God is faithful and I know he'll guide me through it. I really just want to impact these kids. Some of them are so lost and confused and I totally remember being there! Lord just use me...

College

Yesterday I woke up at the crack of dawn (5:00am) which I haven't done for a good while now and can't say I've missed it whatsoever. Anyway, we went on a college tour to UCI(rvine) and Long Beach. I've never really been on a college campus other than Grossmont and never a university so it was quite interesting and I really didn't know what to expect. I knew I didn't want to go to either of these schools, but decided going on the all day excursion was infinitely better than sitting in class bored out of my mind. Although I could have read a book all day.
All in all I walked away from the experience basically wanting to go away to college. Not far. But if I could swing moving out and trying it on my own, I wouldn't object. Although the whole sharing a room with someone would be tricky. I'm kind of a private person who likes her space. No actually, treasures, adores, and will protect her alone-space :) . I don't know if I could handle not having a separate entity of the room shut off from all other humans. I guess I could and would learn to get over it, however.
Anyway, Irvine was great. And Kayla had fun laying on the stairs? At any rate, I loved the eclectic group of buildings that comprised the campus...it was so random and fun, with almost everything within a mile walking distance. Perfect. And they had this cute little Starbucks and people all over the place. The campus was just really nice and I enjoyed that trip a lot. Except the construction. But that's another story. The point was, for the first time I could see myself doing that. Going there and being a part of the college life. Well, except not actually Irvine. But a bigger college.

I've been thinking more and more about Azusa Pacific. They have an English program that could work for me if I wanted to change my occupational pathway to book/manuscript editing and publishing. It's close enough to home, not insanely out of my price range, and a Christian campus. I really have an itch to go check it out, be on the campus, talk to people. But, we'll see. I have faith God will point me in the direction he wants me to go and choosing a college isn't something I want to or intend to take lightly. I just don't want to fall in the trap of passivity. Where I'll just continue on at Grossmont because it's "easy" and "comfortable" and then go to SDSU for the same reasons. I want to experience things and I think I'm finally figuring that out.
I also don't want to go to school and be a teacher just because it's easy. Because there's set jobs out there and I'd know exactly where to apply right when I get out of school. Seriously, that's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm interning for all these teachers. It's easy to follow through. But I don't want easy if it's not what God has in store for me. I just want to be open to whatever! If he wants to be go to Ecuador and be a missionary teaching little kids, send me there. I just don't want to get comfortable in the wrong places.
Foothills has this book titled In Times of Trouble several volumes, actually, of people's accounts of God's miracles in their lives. On Easter Sunday they showed a video comprised of some men and women's testimonies from this book. One of the men now owns a publishing company called CSN books. As soon as I heard about it I decided I wanted to check this place out. Just the night before I'd been thinking about being a book editor and how entirely fun that would be for me. It turns out they have a location in El Cajon and Lakeside. So I think that I might really go check it out and see what I can do there. I hope this was one of God's ways of slyly opening another door in my life.

Blog Reminder: The Lord's testing of faith in my life lately that's bringing me closer to Him.

A God Thing?

I've had so many thoughts lately about God, love; what faith really is and what trusting the Lord really means. Yet, I haven't come to any solid conclusion so far. Perhaps I never really will. After the Fall, nothing's perfect after all.

Well, one thought I've been struggling through, I suppose I could sum up as "coincidence". On one hand I know God puts his hand in every aspect of our life, but even the little minute things? I suppose he knows all the little minute hairs on our head, so what circumstance, no matter how small, wouldn't come from him as well, right? But I'm not always convinced. Some things just seem to small, too petty for the Almighty God to care about, you know? However, I suppose that's a sign of lacking faith.

Anyway, I've been mulling that over for a week or so now (it's apparently become a burden, which likely means I'm being convicted...) but today I actually had a haphazard experience to do with it. It's one of those simple, unmiraculous circumstances that someone likely wouldn't even notice unless they currently carried this burden as well. Yesterday my history teacher (He will be referred to simply as Legg from now on...) gave us a homework assignmen. Now these assignments are continually mini-research papers--basically easy, yet time consuming as I do like to be as thorough as time and practicality allow. Well, I would have started in class to get it over with, but I couldn't manage to hold on to any internet connections available on my laptop. When I got home from class and walking/feeding Kayla I had this intense, raging, border-line migraine, headache and went to bed and didn't think about the assignment again till late this morning. I knew after class I had a jam packed schedule, I didn't get out till 5:15 and then I went straight to Kayla's to feed/brush her, then home for a quick bite to eat, then to church till 9:30. No time to do the assigment. On my way to class I threw up a quick prayer while driving and listening to Delirious..."Hey Lord, if you want, could you just let me have internet access in class today? It would make it a whole lot easier to get to church tonight and everything ya know...". And that was it. I wasn't really expecting anything. But there were available connections and I acutally finished the whole paper in class with plenty of time to spare and even feel good about it. I didn't even miss anything important. By the time we got to the lecture, I was done! Now my question: God thing? or the concept of coincidence?

I really need to start trusting God with the little things in life too. I know it. Everything is intertwined with the Lord. Why is that such a hard concept to truly grasp though?

Spring Break

This year, my spring break was cut short as I only had a week off versus two weeks because I'm now on the college schedule since half my classes are college classes. It's a loss in the spring time, but a two to three week gain in the winter since college gets five weeks off for Christmas--ehm I mean Winter Break.

Anyway, the beginning of my break I already told you all about: spending time with Kayla and small group girls, then Switchfoot and hanging out with Jesse (who got his wisdom teeth pulled the day before Easter...crazy kid). On Wednesday, however, I started dog sitting for my old third grade teacher's dog who's name is Kayla...we get the Kayla's confused now. Kayla lives in Santee, so I drive over there twice a day. She's the furriest, oddest, yet cutest dog I've ever dogsat before and has this quirky personality that's the best. She always seems to make me laugh, no matter how bummed I am. And boy have I been bummed this week. On Thursday night I basically renovated my room--of filth. I moved my bedside table and my bed and vacuumed every possible corner of my room. Then I went to the gym, used an elliptical and this machine for upper and lower abdominals. I'd never used it before, but man, that thing rocks...I felt it for two days afterward. Amazing I tell you. However, the next morning (Friday) I woke up and could not move my head. Seriously, the pain brought me to tears on several accounts. It's gotten a lot better and I haven't had to go to the chiropractor, but the pain is still seeming to linger. Nonetheless, despite the pain, Kayla made me happy :) haha.

Then again, despite the pain in my neck, on Friday Allie and Layne came over and stayed the night as well. None of us were that much fun, me especially because of the neck injury, but Layne and Allie because they were cranky from their fast that began "Thursday after dinner"...so basically on Good Friday. They've done this, apparently, since sixth grade. A fast from Good Friday till breakfast Easter morning. They drank a lot of apple juice. And I'm not much of a hostess...but the girl in me just wanted to bake them something already! I really just wanted to make brownies and cookies for dessert Friday night and pop some popcorn while we watched The Holiday and Fried Green Tomatoes and then waffles and bacon for breakfast...but I couldn't! So maybe this weekend. Kayla (not the dog...) is spending Friday and Saturday with us while her parents go out of town so I can feed her!!

Well, all that fun ended and Monday it was back to school. But when I came home, the lady who does mine and my mom's hair (her and her family have been family friends for a long time) was at our house with her young son, Kellen, and her husband, Brendon, and the new addition to their family who's not even a week old, Jensen. He's so adorable and I want one!! Well, I guess we'll have to wait about 10 more years...but oh well. Someday :)

It was an overall good break, with some bumps in the road, but I think they were necessary...Hope everyone else had fantastic breaks...especially Sean, who went to Europe!

Life Lately

So, I've been awful at updating lately...but I've been kind of busy. And when I haven't been busy, I've been hanging out with my family.


Spring break started. The first weekend went by so fast and jammed pack with friends and things to do. Now there's quite a lull, but it's been a good break, a good breather and time to really put things in perspective for myself. I've been good at doing my devotions lately, taking notes, understanding the words I'm reading...but I've still felt convicted...like I wasn't giving God my all. I wasn't personalizing what I was reading, like a love letter to me. So, I'm working on that. Giving myself even more time to digest and soak in the Word.


Anyway...last Friday I had small group, then took Nicole and Kayla home and ended up staying the night at Kayla's. We watched Pride and Prejudice, which was pretty good. In the morning I got a call from Jesse Peterson asking if I wanted to go see Switchfoot and Copeland at Soma with him--he had two tickets and associated me with Switchfoot. Right on, free tickets. So I drove him and me to Soma and we didn't even get lost...it was all good. We'd been saying we were going to hang out for months, so throw Switchfoot in and I was sold. Funny story though. We met up with his older brother, Dustin (in the band Sever Your Ties) and Dustin's girlfriend, Jessica (who used to work in the hair salon my mom still works in...small world!!). All of us decided not to wait in the insanely long line to get in the door, but to just come back at 8:00 when the show really started. We went to three fast food places so Dustin could get the kind of shake he wanted and Jess could get her favorite shake too. Jesse and I had gone to In-N-Out and still had our cups, so Dustin decided to play a trick on one of the guys at Carl's Jr. After we'd paid he says, "Hey man, can I get you to do me a huge favor? Can you just put a little 7Up in this cup...my brother back there's got this condition where he needs sugar. Could you just fill it up a little bit." The guy just laughs, then kinda gets frustrated. But he threw the In-N-Out cup away and gave us a full small soda. None of us even wanted the soda and all of us felt bad he actually did it. Not a minute later, we're pulling out of the drive through and something under Dustin's car hood explodes and it's steaming and everyone jumps out and let me tell ya, it's intense. We push the car, actually Jesse and Jessica pushed and I held the stolen soda, under a parking lot light and don't know what the deal is. So Dustin said we could start walking back to Soma, so we did. Though I was freaked out because it's not a great area by any means. We made it fine though, and had a great time once we got there.

Introduction

Alright so I made a new blog with my google account so I could use all the new features and stuff...so here's my last post from my old blog:
We wrote this essay EAP ( or something or other) Essay today in class and my prompt was something like should there be more severe restrictions on advertisement companies and how they use celebrities to sell there products when these celebs have never even used the product themselves.I started writing the essay (we had 45 min) on the basis of Yes, they should be able to have whomever they want advertise for them or else the standards for advertising will be too strict, no deodorant or power drink or wheat bread will appear better than any of the others and advertising as we know it will no longer exist. But then that as we know it really got to me. I know I've bought mascara or shampoo or this or that in hopes of looking like the celebs on the commercials yet I am always so bummed when it just doesn't look like that on me...thusfore something must be wrong with me. Right? No, something's wrong with the media, with advertising.My mom and I were in the movie theatre this weekend and an ad came on for Dove or something...I think it was lotion. I don't know...Anyway, the reason I remember it is because they had nude, older, women showing on it. They were covering themselves with their body parts, yes, but still, I cringed. I wasn't captivated by them. And my mom even said "Now that is not something I want to be looking at right now". These women were average in looks, weight, and appearance. Everyday soccer moms and grandmothers. This was reality and we all cringed with embarrassment for these women showcasing all their flaws on a widescreen nonetheless. And yet how wrong. Of us! To cringe at reality? Seriously? Have we stooped so low...I immediately caught myself and said, this is ridiculous, that's how it should be! How much better and honest about ourselves would we feel if real beauty was portrayed in advertisements not fake, doctored up images. It made and makes me mad.Needless to say, I crossed out my first two paragraphs and re-wrote my thesis. Who cares if businesses lose money because they can't sell their products under false pretenses? Is the truth not more important than the lies they're aptly feeding us?
--DISCLAIMER--
Commercial now banned in America (so I hear) for too much skin
(why don't they tell that to Victoria Secret's advertisement...).
Watch at own risk of reality:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vilUhBhNnQc

Alright, I don't know if my opinion is wrong or right or where the media even should draw the line...which is a fine one, when it comes to the portrayal of too much skin and too much seductivness and too many lies. I really would love to hear your opinion...