Company. Just Keep Going.

The past week has been insane. I have done more than I ever remember doing and yet not a lot at all and this makes me happy. Even okay.

Saturday was the beach with Allie and James for a few hours. Jeff's Burgers, Rubios, and James' house accompanied this.
Sunday was I can't really remember but I'm sure it was exciting. Maybe Alyssa's graduation party?
Monday mom and I dropped off a bunch of letters to all the teachers at Pepper Drive school explaining our gift for Mrs. MacIntosh's retirement. Einstein Bagels was next. Then it was the gym for the first time in a month and a halfish. Small class. But still alright. Then a 4 mile walk/jog in Mission Trails Park. Good stuff.
Tuesday I met with Shelbi, Allie, and James at Starbucks for an hour or so. Then Shelbi and I left to go thrifting for cheap sweatshirts that we could cut up to make stuffed animals the next day. We went to two or three thrift stores before trying Target. I found a fuzzy brown jacket at the Salvation Army which was perfect for my monkey. Shelbi got a $4 sweatshirt at Target that was green, yellow, and teal.
After thrifting we went to Yogurt Mill and I was 25 cents short and they don't take plastic but she said that's okay. While there we decided Shelbi should just try spending the night and we should go rent Donnie Darko and Lars and the Real Girl. So we did and both movies were funny.
Wednesday was spent sewing in the morning after filling out Shelb's grad invites.
Then James came over and I gave him a hair cut. He has curly hair and it was long and he wanted it short. Well, Allie wanted it short. So it was a bit tricky. Especially since I don't cut hair. But it actually looked decent and I liked doing it. I'm cutting Shelbi's bangs soon. But not until after she graduates tomorrow. Anyway, after cutting James' hair we ate lunch, then they all dispersed. They came back later, around 8:45 to play cards, Phase 10. And then left around 10:30-11:00. Allie was going to stay the night and we were going to go to James' to pick up Steele Magnolia, but Alyssa had a seizure again and she's a good sister so she went home to console and I cleaned my room and thought about people and things.
Today Connor and I rented Cloverfield and Enchanted, I went to the school to drop retirement gifts off, then Shelbi came over to finish sewing Lars, her lizard, and we watched some of The Nightmare Before Christmas because it's on my list of movies I haven't seen but should. We also made cup cakes. She made the cake, I frosted. After almost finishing my monkey we decided we should go to small group, the last one, but I got Starbucks first. So now I'm wired.
At small group we talked about boys and then played Phase 10, ate Caesar salad, Costco everything-on-it pizza, and cup cakes, of course.
After almost everyone left, Shelbi, Alexia, Allie and I decided to go re-rent the movie Wristcutters: A Love Story, because Allie said she'd seen part of it and it was quirky good. That's my kind of movie, so I drove. The movie really was good. So strange. But good.
Now I am finally home and there's no one here but it wasn't bad being with people all week. I don't know how people do it all the time and I don't think I could, but I'm not worn out of it quite yet. Allie and I kind of hang out in heavy spurts. We get all our hanging out over with in the span of 5 days and then we don't hang out for a few months. But I think this summer will be different.
I learned what happens last time.
Tomorrow is Foothills High School graduation at 6:30 (?) and I'll be going to that for Shelbi and Jesse. But around 2:30 I might go to Kayla's to have some girl talk time because we haven't done that in over a week and I think (hope) we're trying to make a habit of it. It'd be a good one to have, I think.
After the graduation the plan is to have another movie night with whoever.
It's been a crazy, fun, exciting, really spontaneous (in my terms), week.

Good times.


And tonight my girls helped me have a revelation:

I've never thought of being honest.
Saying when I don't feel well. When I'm having a bad day. When I just want to talk about something that actually matters.
I always keep the walls up because, well maybe I thought that's what you're supposed to do. And I guess maybe I make it worse this time versus with other people because this one actually matters. So I try too hard. We both do. And it doesn't work. Because who are we? And then how am I supposed to know?

This has the potential to change things.
But probably not over night.

Again.

I feel like I am always teetering on the edge of insanity.
On the edge of two worlds.
One that is not exactly a world, but a lifestyle, a realm; spiritual.
The other that is actually a world.
The world with it's gravitational pull--
pulling, tearing me down toward it.
And I'm standing on the edge,
turning my head this way,
then back that way,
and I'm torn.
I'm split.
And sometimes I don't know if I'm strong enough,
if I can fight the downward spiral
and swim my way up and out to freedom again.

Sometimes I let my mind go.
And then my body follows.

Truth #1

Sometimes I just want to be completely honest.

Just say everything that is on my mind.

Everything I think about everyone--

and worse:

everything I think about myself.

But I don't.

Because once you say something you can't take it back.

Not that you can take thoughts back either.

And I hate thoughts sometimes, too.

I just want to speak.

But not so bad that I do. Or will.

I guess even more I'd rather keep it inside and never let anything out.

That's Truth #1.

College

I might not be going to State because of a stamp.

A freaking stamp.

This stamp, to be exact.

This 1 cent stamp.

Job Searching

I need a job. A real one now, I think. I don't have the motivation, at home, to sew a lot and then sell. It's not happening. Therefore, I applied at Starbucks yesterday. Not sure how that's going to turn out. I wasn't having any great feelings about it when I dropped off my application.


I went to Jamba Juice next and as soon as I walked in I got a good feeling. I hadn't even gone there to get an application. I just wanted a drink. So, we'll see. I'm turning that in today and everyone working seemed enthused about it (: I'll also stop by Old Navy and grab an app. there too. And maybe Bath and Body. Who knows.


Santana's graduation was last night and I went. In the slightly sweltering heat. I now have the slightest hint of a farmer's tan. ( : It was great to see everyone one last time. It's weird that I will definitely never see some of them again. And others I will keep in contact with, though things have changed.


How can a heart be so happy, yet so sad, and yet feel like it's really not letting itself feel at all?


I don't know.


There were some surprises at this graduation. Not so much good ones. I didn't get to see everyone that I thought I would. And part of me knows why but doesn't want to believe it. Part of me keeps reading and re-reading the program over and over again, searching, eyes tearing into the paper, burning names into it in purple ink. Nothing. It's the same everytime. Just like opening the refrigerator, after having just looked 10 minutes ago. Still hungry, still wanting that satisfying feeling, but still there is nothing new in there. Nothing you haven't already seen. Nothing that evokes the kind of feelings you wanted to be evoked.


Eh.
The world spins madly on.
And it'll keep spinning no matter what.
For me, for you.
No matter where life, God, you, take yourself.
But I hope it's somewhere good.
I hope it's somewhere you're supposed to be.
I hope you let yourself live the life that's waiting for you.

List: Post Graduation

I am no longer in or affiliated with anything "high school" anymore. Well, for two more weeks I will still lead a high school small group. But after that...no mas. Until I get my teaching credentials and go back to high school. To teach. Hahhh why am I so bad at moving on?

No. I am quite...detached (?) from all of this, this moving on, new phase of life beginning, thing.

Thoughts:

1) I need to be stronger. I think I'm always sick because I'm not where I'm supposed to be. But being sick causes me to not be where I want to be. It just causes me to want to be in bed.

2) I wish I would have taken a day. Just a day. To think about what all this graduating mumbo jumbo means. To reflect. To let it sink in and actually let myself get over the hype that I wanted to push down and to just realize the accomplishment, realize the change that was/is going to occur.

3) I wish I would have gotten a picture with the staff in my cap and gown to be more sentimental.

4) I wish I would have signed Rachele's year book. I feel bad. Rachele, if you read this: You made me laugh on a daily basis. I admire your boldness, your bluntness, your honesty, and your amazing red, firey hair that totally matches your personality. I remember one day you said in class "I don't lie, I don't!!" And I was thinking, "She is so full of it. Everyone lies." But truly, I don't think you do. You say everything that is on your mind in one way or another and that is something I stinking love. You are transparent. And it's great (: Best swim partner too. Thanks for the good times and have fun cleaning teeth for the rest of your lovely life. Love, Courtney Day Johnson.

5) People are really leaving and moving (Amanda) and that bums me out, but excites me too. Because I know it will be good, and I know they will grow and it will be amazing to see the changes when they visit and reappear and whathaveyou.

6) I have never settled. Okay, I have. But not completely. I have been good about not letting myself completely settle. I have always known what I've wanted. Sort of. But that was before I knew myself. Now I know. And just because I am done with high school and looking at this silly dolled up photograph on my desk doesn't mean I'll settle now. I will grow. People will grow. Time will tell and I refuse to settle. I'd rather live alone. Maybe.

7) Sometimes I think it's just me being stubborn. That I can't look seriously serious people in the eye and reciprocate because that means something. And meaning something is dangerous. Crosses the line. That invisible one. Looking that stinking huge gray, wrinkly, yet slightly loving Elephant in his knowing eye. Grrr.

8) Maybe I run too much. Or maybe I'm just smarter than everyone else. How do you, I, know? :P Of course I want to go with the latter. Who wouldn't? Seriously.

9) My mom has dreams. Not like dreams for my future. But dreams of my future. And, well, her track record is good. How do I know if this is a figment of her thoughts and desires or if it's a major factor and what I'm supposed to take into serious consideration?

10) When will I ever be ready? But deep down I know, I do...I remember...that when it's the right time I will be sooo gone I'll jump. I just need to trust. I just need to wait for it. Keep going, take George Michael's advice and "have a little faith"...okay I think the Bible says that too...just in a more appropriate way? Ugh. We'll see. Life is full of all these crazy uncertainties and I'm finally getting used to it and just going with the flow.

21 Days

twenty-one
Originally uploaded by astrocruzan

I don't know if I could handle seeing anyone 21 days straight.
Except my family.
But someday that anyone will be my family.
But how do you know?

Brilliant Day

The plan was to hit the hay at 11:11 tonight. Because that is precisely what time I looked at the clock, looked at my mom, and said "Good night" and turned to walk to my room to plop right in bed. But, as I was walking, mum decided to start one of her big, hour long (which is actually short) God-talk-people-talks. They are always great fun. So my sleepiness quickly departed and my feistyness set in. Now I am in a feisty mood. A picture editing mood. Contemplating our conversation, and thinking about reading the book of Mormon.

Since I am still tired I will just post some pictures for tonight and tell you a few things, list style:

1) Coffee/lunch with Kayla equalled great fun, minus the mayonaisse. Two "n"s in mayo? I don't know.

2) Compiling my writing portfolio makes me want to scrap book and beautify/funkify everything I can get my hands on this summer. Experimentation here I coooome.

3) Kids, car seats, gas stations, Panda Express, 60cent cookies, feeling like a mommy in my volvo.

4) "Why do you take pictures so much?" "Why do you play with R.C. cars all day?" "Touche kid, touche".

5) Car ride conversations: Nat-"Will you give me money?" "Why?" "So I can buy stuff." "What kind of stuff." "Boy stuff." "Do you wish you were a boy." "Yes."

6) Puppy dogs.

7) Fruity Pebble cereal

8) Bed time prayers and tuck-me-ins.

9) Reality.

10) Motivation.

2 days left of high school and I'm loving it. Hasn't hit. Really.

Editing

So, my mom met this lady today who ended up being in the editing field. I guess she'd been doing it for a long time and, after 10 years in the business, finally made a name for herself and started to make a little money. Now, 30 years later, she's finally doing what she's always wanted to do: freelance stuff. It only took her 40 years. She said that, basically, the market for editing in San Diego or even California is in the form of text book, medical, and scientific journals and not too much else. New York is great though.

Well shoot. I'm not moving to New York.

And I can't afford to live off my parents for 10 years, like this gal did. Plus, she majored in communications. And I'm not doing that. I need an english degree and a single subject teaching credencial as a backup. Or...now more of a forerunner. I don't want to edit scientific journal magazines. No thanks.

But lately I have been getting more of an itch to teach. Maybe that's because high school is coming to a close....only three more days of classes...and I realize what an impact it's had on me and I want to be a part of impacting other young folks.

Who knows.

All I know is I realllly don't want to edit scientific journals! She said it was a super boring job. But now she likes it because she works from home. After 30 years.

I'd rather grade kids' gramatically horrendous papers for 50 years than edit scientific journals for 10. Hah! Really though. I am so fond of a red grading pen (: But then again...red is so boring. I'll have to use teal or lime green or something. Find my trademark pen. Yes, I can see it already.

Hmmmm.

Nothing's Exciting Yet

Finals week starts. I haven't study a lot still. I don't know if I will. I kind of just don't feel like it. I downloaded a free 30 day trial of Photoshop Elements 6 today and I want to buy it as soon as I have the money. I miss photoshopping so much. But I also want to not use photoshop to make things look all neat and things. Soooo this summer I still want to experiment with mixed media stuff. I love photoshopping and I wish I had time to do it all the time. I didn't today, but I still did hah. I hope I love the art classes at SDSU and learn so many new exciting techniques and maybe even switch my major.

It still smells like linseed all up in here.

When to Talk

Edited/Deleted.

On the other hand...I don't have much to say today. I don't feel like writing and I didn't feel like cleaning all day long. Today I have been extremely tired. First time I've almost fallen asleep in church in a long long time. I don't recall staying up that late last night and I didn't get up that early this morning.

I have yet to do any substancial amount of studying and I have a 200 question government final on Tuesday. Ugh, almost done with this whole school thing...for a bit at least.

Right now we're just playing the waiting game.

I am incapable of declining a good brownie or...three.

I Fibbed.

I need a mundane outlet as well.


So I guess I will keep posting here.

Today it's been rainy and dreary and the day started at 10:30 when my mother woke me up to go shoe shopping. Ugh, shoe shopping. Shopping in general. One of the most depressing, yet pathetically fulfilling things I let myself (quite regularly) do. It seems I am always in between sizes, be it shoes or dresses or bathing suits (which I hardly even want to think about this season at all!) or pants or what have you. I am generally not one of those people who can simply go out and buy something, if I want it to actually fit right and be, as my mom says, "flattering". Nothing ever fits. I think having a short torso in conjunction with stubby legs doesn't help. So neither shirts nor pants fit well and even dresses generally have the waist in the wrong place--for abnormal, unfortunate chicadees such as myself :P

So, shoe shopping, after having spent hours upon hours looking for a dress, on Wednesday, that I need to wear for graduation, we then had to find the perfect shoes.

I still don't have them. But the ones I got will do enough.

The whole deal put me in a positively wretched mood and I was simply tired to boot. My mom nearly called the doctor twice because she thought the bronchitis was coming back and didn't want me to wait until the long weekend was up to get checked on. I talked her out of it...but now I'm wondering if that was a bad idea.

When I got home I kept coughing and I think I bruised my sternum today. It is so sore from the inside and it hurts to take a deep breath. Ugh, I am so tired of all the weather changes and the sicknesses that result. I finally am set on getting healthy and taking better care of myself but I can't even seem to get well.
Maybe it's because I've had this strange craving for everything sweet lately and nothing nutritional. Yes, I am eating massive amounts of food, but none of it is probably doing a lick for me, health wise (: Way to go me. I wish I could cook.


That is one thing on my list this summer.

Find healthy recipes and cook them. Take over the menu, that has consisted of the same items over and over again for years. I want to experience new things and buy the groceries, which I have the means to do now.
That's one thing.


Another is to sew a heck of a lot more. Sew bags, yes, but bags are getting boring (two more orders today though!).
My friend's mom let me take two of her sergers, a JUKI MO-104N babylock (? We aren't sure on that...it doesn't exactly say baby lock on it anywhere...) and a Singer Merritt Lock differential feed 14 U 244. Both aren't exactly in working order at the moment, but I'm going to take them to the sewing place by my mom's shop and see what it'll take to fix them. I'm hoping this works out because I know a serger will make my life so much easier and I will actually want to make the shirts I used to and try out some dresses and maybe some fancy aprons and such. Ohhhh I can't wait. Summer is coming up!
And if the sewing picks up then I won't have to get a job during the summer and then I can just work at the library at State in the fall. I'll still likely apply to the buck.


Another thing I want to work on this summer is messing around with mixed media on canvas. I have a bunch of old scrap fabric that I can't do much with, except make dolls with Shelbi maybe, and it would look rockin on canvis. Barbi also told me about this fabric printing paper that you can print directly onto fabric....like photos or text in neat fonts. I just want to experiment this summer.


With ceramic tiles too. And woodwork.
You see, I need a trunk for the end of my bed--to store extra fabric in it, since I don't have a sewing room and fabric often times eats my space. My dad said he'd teach me how to use his woodworking machines, which I've always wanted to do. Making things like book shelves and tables and even just frames has always been something I've wanted to do. He mentioned today that he was at a contractor's house in Del Mar or something and saw a piece of slab that the man's daugher had put broken tiles into, making a mosaic design, and he'd thought of me and that I should do that. Random thing was I was just thinking about that today when I was looking at one of my favorite coffee cups. So I mentioned making the trunk and he mentioned the tile, so my big project this summer is to make a trunk with my dad, and then decorate the top with ceramic tiles. I'm really excited (: And even if the whole trunk thing doesn't actually end up working out....I'd love a book shelf too, and we've talked about that already and this summer hopefully that will at least happen, then I will have three extra shelves in my closet organizers for other stuff (:

Other than all the aforementioned...
I have a lot going on. I don't even know how to sort it out...I'm just kind of ignoring the elephant in the room and going with the flow of things. With everything.
I kind of just need to re-learn to let everything go. Let God just take care of it. I try to take hold of things and I just break them. All the time. And I learn for a bit, but then I forget and have to learn all over again.

I hope the cycle stops one of these days.

Probably not though, right?

This whole turning into an adult thing is blowing my mind. I feel like I'm still so young. I am, shoot. But expectations are building. I feel like I should be experiencing more things, dating, going places, doing things. But I just like being by myself. Hahaha. Sometimes just the idea of the feeling, the pain of unrequitted love sounds appealing.

Bye for Now

I'm not writing in here anymore...well, not too regularly.
I'm writing somewhere else.
A private journal, just for me,
with a different provider,
and some different content.

Typing is faster,
and I need to remember these times
even better.
With details that
the whole world shouldn't see yet.
Or maybe ever.

Ta-ta (:
I'll still check in on you folks regularly.

Prom/Mother's Day

Prom was last night and it was fun.





Jesse takes better pictures than me. That's not allowed. :)

I actually danced, good deal (:

Mother's Day met us this morning. Breakfast (Lunch) at Pipe's-amazing. Pictures taken at Moonlight Beach.

Rad. Still sick. Not fun. Buy stock in kleenex company.

Breaking Point

I am sick again. It's a running theme in my life this year.
I have been more sick this year than any other year I can remember.
It's getting me down. I am so discouraged right now. There are so many things I need to do and being sick is hindering them all.
This weekend is prom. I was quite sick for senior banquet and only lasted about an hour at that. I invited 5 guests to prom and I will be so so sooo disappointed if I ruin the night.
I'm angry that I'm sick.
What am I supposed to be getting out of this? Can't I just get it already?!
Today was the hardest day. Our entire year book (~45 pages) is due tomorrow and we just started compiling things this week. No one really knows how to use this new program so it basically looks bad. This morning I got there a half hour early to work on it. I shouldn't have even gone to school.
But I really struggle with this. I never know for sure when I am just coping out and giving up and going home to sleep or when my body is truly saying, "Hey stupid person! I can't keep up with you! So I'm shutting down." I don't feel that stressed (except right now because I am sick again and there's too much to do in the next three weeks for me to spend in bed). I don't feel like I do too much. Other people do lots more school stuff, ministries, and even work. I just go to school, occassionally hit the gym, and do two ministries. That's not a lot. Yet I keep getting sick. I keep shutting down.
Or maybe I'm just coping out.
But today I feel like crap.
Today I have cried more times than I have all year because I'm just so discouraged and in pain and just want to be normal again.
I hate being sick. I hate being a pain, a drag, a downer to be around. I hate getting other people sick and then getting blamed for it. I don't mean to get people sick. I don't. But I can't live in a bubble either. I hate this. And this is my "I hate this" face.

aksdjaksjd;
I need prayer, I need motivation, I need healing, I need rest and to not feel guilty or like I'm a failure for resting.
And yet, I need to not rely on feelings.

Here's to health-
cday

Exercise

I think I might start going to the gym with a friend at 5:30am 5 days a week. She's looking for a workout partner and maybe this is just what I need to get me moving and motivated for the day and devotions and jazz like that (:
I don't know if I can get up that early though. That is intense.
I am no morning person.
But maybe I could be?

Sewing

I sewed today because I had a zillion other things to do and didn't want to do them, or think about them.

Within about an hour of the pictures being posted on the Space I got an offer for this bag...it's still kind of reserved for a gal who wanted a large bag a long time ago. But either way, it's sold now. And I'm almost kind of bummed...I really love that bag and the pattern is great. But I guess I need $25 more.

After this my mom and I spent way too long making an extra big yoga at bag for a family friend's birthday tomorrow. Her mat is almost twice the size as the regular ones so we really had to wing it, size wise, and we still don't know if it fits...but the bag is really rad, I think.

Tomorrow I have to go prom dress shopping. I really loathe this. I don't like myself in dresses and it easily gets me depressed haha. But, it must be done. I found one I actually liked,

but of course, the only color they had in my size to order on line (and even then we may have had to send it back) was magenta. And I just don't do magenta. Soooo, unfortunately, my day tomorrow will be spent shopping. I'm almost hoping for rain (: in which case we'll be stuck inside, oh darn.

That is all.

Sick. Again.

My life is like a teeter totter and I wish it weren't.

I can't swallow much. Here we go again.

I wish I could be optimistic and cheerful and bright all the time. But sometimes I just don't feel strong enough. I can tell myself that, "I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me". But sometimes they are just words and I can't hold onto them or believe them and there is this gap between my heart and mind and they don't always want to agree.

I hope I just have a fever and am delusional.

Future

First, let start out with this: God has been so Good to me lately. So good. And that is love. And I feel it right now...in this second. That revelation that God is good to me and that is love.

Moving on....

I have so much admiration and respect for people who see God calling them places and they just drop everything and work toward that goal.
I need to be more like these people and not over analyse.
I need to have less of a "my plan".
Ugh.
I had this lovely fellow, Nick, pray over me tonight and say many things.

Don't sway.
The Lord is immeasurably proud.
Sunflower blooming...life beginning.
A spiritual sense of smell.
Powerful voice to be raised.
Art....
Artsy fartsy school...scultpure, clay.
Pottery. Bowls--
many different sizes, shapes of spiritual senses.
Cafe. Sheep--people gathering there.
A light switch, the future being clear.

I don't know for certain what all this means
but this fellow didn't know me at all.
And yet he knew my heart completely.


I have a plan and this isn't part of it. Not realistically.
In my heart it is the forerunner. Something I truly used to get excited about before I shot it down and couldn't find a way to do it. I still don't know if I can. I know I can if it is really of His will. And even if it's not...if I later recognize this he can use it for good. But I don't want to be irrational. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm studying.
Kevin said many many months ago that college would be last minute.
Why did God have to be right?
Where am I going with my life?

I Don't Blog Anymore

EDIT: I have a question for all y'all...the little banner thing at the top of the page, how do you change that? I did it once but I can't remember how to do it again......much appreciation oh wise ones.


And it's not because things aren't happening...maybe it's because things are happening.
Today I feel like making a list.

• I get burnt out on sewing and being productive
• I am learning that I don't know what true love is, nor what true love in regards to the Lord means. What does it mean to feel loved? To know I am loved? To be able to accept that love and return it to the best of my ability? I am bad at being loved and loving. This has to come to an end. (A good end, I might add)
• I need to be open about my past and apply it to my future as testimony and ministry. However, in the act of opening the blind for outsiders to see in my little window...I in turn will have to close and lock the door on my past--never to re-enter. I can't go back to it if everyone knows of it. The thrill (which is a horrible word, I just can't find another one right now) will be lost. However, this will be fantastic closure and the world will be at my fingertips.
• I made my first scrapbookish painting/collage thing that I actually enjoy...it's not glued down yet because I lost a green ribbon. I think it got caught up in a pile of laundry and is now tumbling in the drier. I hope it doesn't shrink...it was the perfect length for the page. Shoot.
• My eyes are green and I was told that through them shines a ministry I can't see but others can. That was an encouraging word.
• I need to loosen up and let the laughter flow.
• Yet sorrow is better than laughter...and this confuses me. Eccl. 7 I believe.
• My future. Needs to be more open and I have an inkling, almost a fearful one, that the foundation lies in my past. But I am struggling to be sincere.
• I might take voice lessons, but I am incredibly scared and embarrassed.
• I just sneezed and strained a muscle in my back.
• I need to "ruminate" in (on?) the Word.
• I have a lovely bedroom with wall art now.
• I keep procrastinating at things and this is avoidance and this avoidance is the manifest of mistrust.
• I need to be more like a tree man. Harold Eberle is a wise guy. And he supports the point I've been subconsciously living by for years. Be like trees. Sit, recieve from the heavens--light, rain, dry spells and give to the people shade, a place to rest, and beautiful colors. Amen brother Harold. Amen.
• This is the end of my list for now...